


I’ll keep you warm

by Stahvie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Blood, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Injury, Name-Calling, Swearing, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14239818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stahvie/pseuds/Stahvie
Summary: You're an Elite Tie Pilot who has run into a spot of bother. Shit's cold but at least you're not alone.





	1. Chapter 1

An ambush from the Resistance hadn’t been completely unexpected but you’d thought your squad, led by the Supreme Leader himself, would have fared at least a little better. The two of you were the only ones not to get shot down, that was, until you collided trying to lose the X-Wing pilots and plummeted to the surface of the icy planet below.

You fought your way out of the wreck that used to be your ship. The sky was clear of enemy ships so you climbed on top of your broken TIE hoping to see some sign of the Supreme Leader. You caught a glimpse of the TIE Silencer as it disappeared into the ground not too far away.

“Oh… shit!” You whispered breathlessly. You jumped down from the wreck into the almost knee-deep snow and hurried as best as you could to where the you’d seen the ship vanish. As you got closer you realised Ren’s ship had landed over a deep, icy ravine. Peering over the edge you could see the ship slowly slipping further down as the icy walls broke away. There was no sign of Ren. Panic and adrenaline coursed through you. Your loyalties were to the Supreme Leader and the First Order, if there was any chance that he was still alive, you had to save him.

“Supreme Leader Ren? If you’re alive, stay put. I’m coming to help!” You yelled into the ravine and leapt towards a ledge on the other side hoping your legs were strong enough to propel you far enough. A hand caught your foot mid-air and pulled you against the wall of the chasm.

“You nearly killed me up there.” Ren’s mechanical voice growled.

“You’re alive, Supreme Leader Ren?” You muttered taking your helmet off to get a better look at him as though the sight of him was a deception caused by the helmet. The Supreme Leader just stared at you. At least, you thought that’s what was happening, with his mask on it was impossible to know exactly what he was looking at.

“Of course I’m alive. Can’t let Hux win.” He said, pulling himself up the wall with ease and disappearing.

“… of course, Supreme Leader Ren.” You muttered trying to find a way to climb up yourself. You were quite a deal shorter than the Supreme Leader, scaling the wall wasn’t going to be so easy for you. You threw your helmet up, hoping it wouldn’t hit Ren, so you’d have free hands for climbing. It didn’t occur to you to just pop it back on your head. It was a weird angle to throw from and it ended up bouncing off the wall and down into the depths of the ravine. You squeezed your eyes tight, sighed, and began to climb.

Your hands made it to the top but the chasm was beginning to become slippery under your feet so you couldn’t find the leverage you needed to pull yourself up. Ren’s hand caught the scruff of your flight suit and yanked you up to level ground. Embarrassed you hadn’t managed to save yourself you mumbled to him. “Thank you, Supreme Leader Ren.”

“Stop that.” Ren groaned and trudged his way through the snow toward your broken TIE. “It’s a mouthful and you say it too much. Also, I didn’t see much in the way of shelter on the way down so we’re staying in your busted ship until help arrives.”

The wind picked up on your way back to you ship, stinging your cheeks and penetrating through your suit. It was too cold. You picked up your pace and ran as well as the snow would allow to the shelter. While the seat in your TIE had never been particularly comfortable it definitely seemed like it would be better than the floor, more inviting too, but you were just a pilot, if anyone got the chair it should be Ren. You pushed yourself against the wall and slumped into a ball trying to get warm.

Your tall superior ducked inside and took a seat on the chair. The silence was awkward as his masked faced your direction. All your focus went to concentrating on not staring at him. Your body curled in tighter on itself while you eyed his cloak. He must have grabbed it before abandoning his ship since you were sure he didn’t normally fly with it on, then again, this was only the third time you’d joined him on a mission.

“You nearly killed both of us up there.” The metallic voice sounded breaking the silence.

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“You crashed into my ship.”

“Sorry, Sir.”

“You need to learn to follow orders.”

“Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir.”

“Now do you understand why it’s important not to practically invite the enemy back to the rendezvous point? There’s a reason I ordered the squad to take down the pilots following them before regrouping.” His voice was unusually calm. The way he spoke was hostile and annoyed but he was doing his best to show restraint. Although you hadn’t witnessed it personally, you knew the Supreme Leader was quick to anger and prone to violent outbursts. Then again, the only thing that was available to be destroyed was currently being used as a shelter and there was no doubt he was aware of that. He motioned to the blaster on your hip. “Can you even fire that?”

“I’m better in my ship, Sir”

“You couldn’t even take down the rebel that was on you. You’re going back to training when we get back. When did they start letting rookies out on the dangerous missions?” He mocked, relaxing back into the chair and pulling his cloak closed tighter.

“Yes, Sir. I’m sorry, Sir.” You let your head rest on your knees, you didn’t want him to see the tears clouding your eyes. You’d always felt so confident of your abilities in your ship but there was no denying this whole situation was your own fault. It wasn’t your fault that the rest of your squad hadn’t made it, their fate was due to their own skills, but you hadn’t taken down the rebel pilot who alerted his squad to the Supreme Leader’s whereabouts.

“You’re an idiot.” His words stung like the freezing wind outside.

“I know, Sir.” Your words muffled by your lap. It was hard not to believe him after recent events.

Silence hung in the air for a while. You kept your face pressed against your legs, huddled in as small of a ball as you could become, all the while feeling his eyes glaring at you. You didn’t have the guts to check if you were right about him watching you though.

You made your best attempt at trying to suck your tears back into your eyes somehow. The wet tear stains on your knees were painfully cold. You turned your head slightly away from Ren so he couldn’t see your face and attempted to rub the cold away from your soggy knees.

“You’re cold.” He pulled away from the chair begrudgingly, grabbed your wrist, and hoisted you up and away from where you’d been sitting. Letting go and moving behind you, Ren took a seat against the part of the wall you’d been perched against where your body heat had warmed the floor. His hands reached up and around the outside of your thighs, pulling you down to him. You landed clumsily in his lap. He shifted your limbs tucking them in so it was easier to bring you in closer and wrapped his cloak around the two of you. “I’ll keep you warm.”

“Thank you, Sir.” You squeaked starting to feel a little warmer.

The breath escaping Ren’s mask was cold on the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. You pulled away slightly so his breath would hit your suit instead of your bare skin. Realising you had drifted away from him, he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you back against him. Your neck was back in the line of fire, the cold air escaping his mask once again, you tried to subtly move your upper half to avoid the coldness on your skin.

“What? Would you rather be cold?” The tone of Ren’s voice sounded aggravated. It couldn’t have been often that he showed someone a kindness and you were coming across as ungrateful.

“No, Sir… it’s just…” You didn’t have the courage to tell him his breath was making you uncomfortable. You didn’t want to lose the rest of the warmth he was providing and you definitely didn’t want him to get angrier with you than he had been earlier.

“Just what?” He didn’t want to drop the issue. After a moment of silence, he twisted you around to face him, waiting for your answer. Staring directly into his mask at such a close proximity was intimidating and slightly terrifying.

“It’s your mask, Supreme Leader Ren.” You mumbled. His head shifted and your eyes grew slightly larger, panicking a little that you’d slipped up and annoyed him by using his title again. He was waiting for an answer so you plucked up the courage to be honest with him. “It… It makes your breath cold. I was just trying to avoid having the coldness directly on… my… neck…”

The sentence had started to escape you as your bravery began to abandon you. Ren twisted you back around and pulled you back against him again. It was wrong of you to complain after he’d gone out of his way to help you. You regretted telling him the truth but then what lie could you have told that would have had a better outcome?

His arm still pinned your back against his chest. As his cold breath escaped his mask and assaulted your neck you resigned to accept he was just holding you there out of spite for complaining. A high-pitched hiss sounded directly behind your ear. You winced as the too-close sound sent shivers down your spine. There was a loud *CLUNK* as the mask landed just past your feet.

Your eyes grew wide, all regret you’d had for being honest disappeared completely. It was replaced by a sudden curiosity. Few people had seen the Supreme Leader without his mask and you weren’t one of them. Before you could stop yourself, your curiosity got the better of you. You twisted around to find yourself face to face with the Supreme Leader now pulling his cowl over his head, clearly missing the warmth the mask had provided him.

You expected him to be borderline disfigured. Why else would he hide himself behind the mask? He wasn’t. You were glad your cheeks were still red from being in the icy wind, or at least you hoped they still were because you felt them getting hot.

You’d heard rumours that he was young but found it hard to believe that you could be that close in age to someone so notorious and feared. You stared at his face for what felt like ages. Before you could figure out if his dark brown eyes were staring at you with contempt or confusion, Ren turned you back around away from him. Ren let go of his cloak so he could wrap his arms around you to drag you into a warmer and more comfortable position against him.

Cold air flooded the space where the cloak had covered and he quickly released his hands from you to draw the cloak back around the two of you tightly. It was easier to stay in place now with Ren’s warm breath on your neck but you sat more awkwardly than before, too nervous to relax. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply trying to let yourself be comfortable.

All progress you’d made in letting yourself relax disappeared in an instant when a coldness touched the side of your neck making you flinch. You grew rigid again as soon as you realised he was resting his face in the crook of your neck to warm his cold nose. Your superior let out an amused huff and you felt his lips twitch upward.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” His voice, deep and pure without his mask, reached your ears for the first time. “Sorry.”

“Sorry…” You replied. You weren’t sure what you were apologising for exactly. You couldn’t be blamed for your reflexes but you still felt compelled to say it. “Do… do you know when help will arrive?”

“Depends…” Ren’s words were muffled against your neck. It tickled. You shuddered.

“Depends on what, Sir?” You asked quietly, turning your head slightly in his direction.

“Depends on how long Hux’s power trip lasts. He’ll send someone to get us when he’s done playing boss… if he gets done playing boss.” He corrected himself.

“…If? Sir?” Your voice wobbled. As awkward as you were, you were finding the whole situation pleasant but still wanted it to end sometime soon. The thought of being abandoned out here in the cold forever chilled you more than the wind outside ever could.

“Don’t worry, Hux knows the longer I’m out here waiting, the worse I’ll punish him. We shouldn’t be here for more than a few hours. He won’t make me wait through the night. Not much is known about this planet yet, we have no idea if the nights are dangerous.” The Supreme Leader remarked.

“Oh… comforting.” You said sarcastically. You inhaled sharply realising how informal you’d been. “Sorry, Sir, I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine.” He said burying his face in your neck again. “Just don’t be like that back at base… or when we’re picked up. Don’t need people talking.”

It was a reasonable request. Being granted a degree of informality while you waited for a rescue party helped you to finally loosen up a little and relax. You let yourself lean into him and placed the side of your face against his head. The small smile that crept onto your face was safe from being seen.

“Warm enough?” Ren asked and wrapped his arms around you tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Ren are still waiting to be rescued and the cold wind is getting worse.

It was difficult to tell how much time had passed. You were unfamiliar with this system and with your internal clock set for space living making you a poor judge of time, however, you knew you’d been stranded for at least a couple hours by now. Few words had been swapped between you and the Supreme Leader but at least you found yourself able to relax. Unfortunately, every small shift that Ren made in an attempt to get more comfortable provoked the butterflies that now lived in your belly. Every gentle touch reignited the fire in your cheeks. Every word quietly mumbled into your ear sending shivers down your spine.

Time was getting on and the weather was getting worse. The freezing wind had become erratic and instead of skimming the exit of the ship like it had been, it whirled into the cockpit more and more frequently. With each gust the Supreme Leader pulled you in tighter but it was a temporary solution, and not even an affective one.

“Up.” Ren commanded tapping firmly against your ribs.

You didn’t want to peel yourself away from the warmth he provided but having messed up enough earlier, you didn’t want to provide him with more examples of your inability to follow orders. Dragging yourself away from his body you moved to the other side of the tiny ship and waited for further instruction.

Ren got to his feet, reequipped his mask and reached a hand out to you. Timidly, you took his hand and he hoisted you up and out of the TIE fighter. You didn’t need the help, you were very experienced with your ship, including entering and exiting, but his help had taken you by surprise… not that you would have declined it anyway.

You leapt down from atop your ship and waited in the icy wind that punched against your body. From within the ship you heard Ren’s saber ignite and slam against metal. Your stomach dropped as you realised he was destroying the only shelter you had. You felt conflicted, the attack on your ship was unprovoked and that was terrifying, but he’d removed you from the path of his destruction which was a little comforting, but without shelter you weren’t likely to survive. Just a trembling ball of anxiety, you waited until the Supreme Leader calmed down.

The insides of your TIE were expelled from it’s shell followed by Ren himself. He jumped down, landed next to you, removed his cape and draped it around your shivering body. It wasn’t enough to warm you up but it made the cold slightly more bearable, as long as you weren’t exposed to the wind for much longer.

Ren stalked around your already battered ship, he raised his burning blade and dragged it through the structure, severing the wing from the main body. He used the force to clear the free wing from the area and moved to the other side of the ship to do the same thing.

It was hard to look at your wounded TIE. You weren’t supposed to get attached to your vehicles, it didn’t make sense to. Each TIE was identical to the last and you couldn’t say how many times you’d flown this particular one before, if at all, but here you were, feeling bad for a soulless mechanical object.

Ren disappeared behind the giant orb that was once a ship and you waited and watched, expecting the cockpit to be sliced in half next. It began to roll. It was slow and the ground was level but you didn’t stop to think about it, you just panicked and rushed to make sure the Supreme Leader wasn’t about to be flattened.

Naturally he was fine. Ren was guiding the broken ship with the force and stopped when the hatch met the snow. He moved to his knees and began pulling and pushing the snow around the base of the TIE and the confused fog that had clouded your mind finally lifted. The ship was now positioned so the wind wouldn’t invade anymore. You fell to your knees and aided the Supreme Leader in securing the ship by shoving snow around the base and helped to dig out a trench at the hatch so you’d be able to enter. The cold biting at your fingers through your gloves.

“After you.” Ren ushered you into the shelter after kicking the outside to make sure it wasn’t going to budge.

The little orb was a little more spacious now that it had been gutted, though it was still a tiny area. A tiny squeak escaped your mouth as Ren’s helmet suddenly landed noisily near the exit. He’d either heard it or seen you jump because he smirked at you as he stripped you of his cloak and wrapped it around his own shoulders, sitting opposite of the hatch.

It hadn’t occurred to either of you that the only flat surface in the destroyed TIE was now the ceiling so sitting would be a little more awkward but still possible. Ren slid slightly before getting comfortable, reclining into the curve of the ship.

“Alright, come sit if you’re cold.” He opened his cloak and motioned for you to join him again.

You took a half-step toward him and began twisting back and forth trying to figure out the best direction for you to sit. If you sat facing away from him all your weight would be on him, you’d worry you’d hamper his breathing and you’d never be able to sit comfortably knowing that. If you sat facing him then you could put your weight on your knees but that might be a bit intimate. You thought about sitting facing away from him and between his legs but you’d likely slide down making it harder to cover the both of you in the cape.

“Stop being weird about it and just sit already.” Your hesitation had clearly become irritating.

You panicked, not wanting him to find you more annoying that he already did, you quickly straddled him and got the decision over with. You felt immediate regret as you locked eyes with him. You’d been correct, it felt intimate and you had no place accidently making eyes awkwardly at the Supreme Leader.

Ren smirked, shaking his head and pulled you closer to lay your head against his shoulder so he could wrap the cloak around the two of you. It was a moment before you realised you were just rigidly resting your forehead on his shoulder and you knew you had a new dilemma to deal with. Face him or face away? Alternatively, you could shuffle up and rest your chin over his shoulder… but then your faces would be directly next to each other, maybe even touching. No, that wasn’t option, you’d have to crawl up his body a little and you already felt like you were trying his patience.

Why not go for the gamble? It’d be better to face him anyway. If you looked away from him you’d just get a face full of cloak. You lifted your head slightly, pulling your forehead away and replaced its spot on his shoulder with the side of your face.

Ren’s hands found their way around you, one hand placed gently behind your head, the other gripping your hip. You let out an accidental sigh, feeling as though you were melting in his warmth. The grin across your face was hidden beneath the cloak but you got the feeling he knew it was there.

You softly inched your body away from his so you could squirm your arm through the gap to bring your frozen fingers between the two of you. After nestling back against Ren, you titled your head down so you could breath hot air onto them. Your gloves were thin, designed for piloting, not snow excavation. The hot air helped but the hand on the back of your head left its place and pulled your fingers away from your mouth. Ren’s second hand left your hip and joined the tangle of hands trying to warm yours up.

Soon there were only three hands in the tangle, one of his hand disappeared out of sight beneath the cloak. The Supreme Leader’s body shifted and bumped against yours. You looked up to see his brows furrowed. You pulled away to see what was going on out of curiosity, and a little out of concern that there had been vibes you hadn’t picked up on.

Distracted by the sight of Ren tugging away his clothes beneath you with one hand, his other pulled your gloves from your fingers. You bolted upright, this wasn’t the situation you’d expected to find yourself in. Your heart began to pound inside your chest as your eyes darted away from the mole-dusted flesh that was under you.

Ren grabbed your hands in his and guided them to his exposed skin, hissing sharply as they made contact. You directed your gaze towards him to make sure you’d catch the first sign of him wanting you to break contact. He tugged his clothes back into place and pulled you in close again so he could trap in the warmth beneath his cloak again.

Damn, you’d read that situation wrong. Your cheeks burned so hard they could have melted your frozen fingers completely. You felt terrible using his skin so greedily but it really helped. The tenseness of his stomach began to soften as he grew accustomed to your icy digits. Once again you relaxed into him, gently kneading your warming fingers into his belly.

While the palm side of your hands were still cold, they were no longer painful. The same couldn’t be said for the back of your hands. Being under a few layers of clothing had done little to warm them and you debated whether or not to flip your hands over. To be fair, he hadn’t said you couldn’t, though he hadn’t actually said anything since telling you to sit. He did seem to actually care if you were warm enough so you went ahead and flipped your fingers over.

“AAAHH! FUCK…” He yowled between gritted teeth, his body writhing. He tilted his head down so he could meet your eyes and chuckled gently. “You have to warn me next time.”

“Sorry, Sir, it won’t happen again.” You replied trying to suppress your smile.

The two of you lay there silently for some time waiting for the rescue you hoped was on it’s way. Ren didn’t seem concerned so you weren’t going to let it bother you. It wasn’t often that you got to experience silence anyway. At night when your bunkmates had gone to sleep was the closest you got, but a few of them were heavy snorers. Your waking hours were spent with chatty comms during training, loud crowds during meals, and squadmates that always had something to say. This was nice. The only sound you could hear was Ren’s slow and deep breaths. It was so easy to be calm when he was so soothing.

Your eyes trailed up his neck to his jaw. You found your eyes lingering on one mole and your stomach sunk as a familiar feeling took over you. A dangerous feeling. It was the same feeling you’d get from time to time that compelled you to do something dangerous. It was the feeling you’d get when you’d get the sudden urge to open the hatch to your TIE mid-flight. It was the need to jump over one of the many unfenced ledges the First Order was so fond of for some reason. It was the want to push an innocent passing trooper down an elevator well in the hangers.

You’d never do any of those things, of course, but it was the call of the void. It didn’t happen frequently, and the urge usually passed pretty quickly but it was always a little disturbing when it happened.

This call was potentially more dangerous than any of the others. As you stared at that one small mole on the side of the Supreme Leader’s pale neck you were overcome with the desire to do something that risked angering your superior. Worst case scenario, there were no witnesses and you’d be so easy to dispose of… not that there was much the Ren wouldn’t be able to get away with. You begged yourself not to do it. Don’t do it. Don’t cave in. Do. Not. Do it!

You did it.

You lunged forward and your lips pressed against his neck, covering the small mark. You stomach sank and while simultaneously filled with butterflies. A completely new experience. His neck was smooth under your lips and his smell was both calming and exciting, not a smell you could place, it was uniquely him.

Pull away now and you could maybe find an excuse. There’d have to be some lie you could come up with to explain how your mouth accidentally landed on his skin. Yup, definitely an accident…

“Which one are you? What’s your number?” He asked as you eventually peeled yourself away. His tone was hard to read but the fact that he wasn’t even aware of who you were stung. You didn’t expect him to remember every member of the First Order but you’d flown with Ren a few times now, and he still didn’t have a clue. You were just another black jumpsuit to him.

He pushed you away so you were sitting and you removed your hands from his skin. You opened your mouth to reply but you were quickly interrupted.

“I said shut up…” His hand covered your mouth. He hadn’t. This was the first he’d asked you to be quiet but you thought maybe he’d said it in his head and just not realised. He sat up as though it would help his hearing and stared out the transparisteel window for confirmation.

You heard it too. The wind had died down and you could hear a ship somewhere. He nudged you firmly encouraging you to leave his lap and you obeyed. You climbed off and stood as close to the far wall as you could get to give the Supreme Leader some space. He summoned his mask to him with the force and stepped toward you.

Looming over you, he propped himself up against the wall behind you so he could issue you a warning.

“Informalities are over and when your reports are filed, or you’re questioned, all that happened was that we took shelter in here… nothing weird…” His eyes trailed up and down your body, one eyebrow raised. He seemed disturbed by you and your guts churned. You thought however, since he didn’t want word of what happened getting out, maybe you would be let off the hook for messing up. “I’ll ask you again back on the Supremacy about your number and you have until then to come up with an excuse for what you were doing on my neck.”

Okay, he still wanted to know your number so punishment was still a possibility, but as his face disappeared under the helm you could have sworn his mouth had curled into a smile.

Ren disappeared through the hatch and when you joined him the rescue shuttle’s boarding ramp was descending. A slim figure appeared followed by a pair of troopers and walked down to meet Ren.

“Ah, Supreme Leader, you’re safe.” General Hux spoke. His eyes glazed over you, you were practically invisible to him. He only cared to make sure Ren hadn’t received any serious injuries and make sure he wasn’t in trouble for the delayed rescue. “Conditions made it impossible to land, we waited just outside of the atmosphere until a safe landing could be secured.”

The two of them made their way into the shuttle, followed by the troopers, and you took it as your cue to finally abandon the destroyed little ship.

Once aboard you were ushered to a chair and given a blanket to warm yourself with while you sat across from both your superiors. Free from the cold, the Supreme Leader removed his mask once again and tossed it to another vacant seat.

“Where’s this one’s helmet and gloves?” The General stared at you but directed the question to Ren, as though you were incapable of answering for yourself.

You liked it better when Hux didn’t notice you. His eyes were so judgemental as they scanned you for more infractions. Ren diverted Hux’s attention away from you and led the General to another part of the shuttle.

They’d left you alone. You pulled your blanket tighter and slumped down into the chair. With no Supreme Leader making you feel awkward, and no evil ginger being all judgey, you could finally unwind and process your thoughts.

It was a good thing too, you had an excuse to come up with.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've been ordered to report to the medbay.

The trip back to the Supremacy was quiet. Supreme Leader Ren and General Hux didn’t emerge from the other room of the shuttle until you’d landed and they disembarked with only a quick glance in your direction from Ren. The troopers and pilots followed suit and you were left alone in the craft feeling out of place.

“I’ll just… uh…” You mumbled, looking for somewhere to put the blanket that had been given to you. As you awkwardly swayed back and forth from your toes to your heels, looking for an appropriate home for the blanket, you noticed Ren’s helmet still remained on the chair he’d thrown it to. You slung the blanket over your shoulder and picked up the mask delicately. “Oh, so, this just stays here then?”

Your fingers traced the details of the visor, committing them to memory. There were rumours that the Supreme Leader no longer wore the mask often, you’d even heard it had been smashed. They were fresh rumours, at least for your ears, but they couldn’t possibly be true if you were holding the mask in your own two hands. Plus, if he was walking around without the helm, you would have seen his face sooner than just a few hours ago. Then again, it was a large ship. You pulled the blanket from your shoulder and worked it into a small nest which you gingerly placed the helmet in. You felt like it needed to be kept safe since it had clearly been forgotten about.

Turning on your heels you made your way out of the craft but was stopped by an officer who was more interested in his datapad than his surroundings.

“You’re to report to the medical bay.” He said, his eyes never once leaving his device as he then left.

Admittedly, you were a little confused. That said, the whole day had been confusing, but besides heading to the infirmary, what else were you supposed to do. It was late in the day but surely you there was still going to be a debriefing for the mission. Were you still supposed to go back to training like Ren had threatened earlier?

The one thing you weren’t confused about was the Mega-class Star Dreadnought itself. Since qualifying to become one of the Elite Special Forces you’d been stationed on the Supremacy. You knew it like the back of your hand, though the destruction of its wing and its current repairs were irritating. The loss had meant a few of your favourite shortcuts were no more and you had to go the long way.

Making your way through the ship, you felt a lack of confidence. Normally you wouldn’t be seen without your helmet unless you were off duty and it felt wrong to be missing so much of your uniform. You anxiously picked at your nails, your fingers felt like they were burning and tingly and you cursed yourself for having left your gloves in the destroyed TIE fighter. Everyone’s eyes were on you as you moved swiftly through the corridors, at least, that’s how it felt. In reality, not many people took much notice of you at all but the anxiety from feeling like you were being judged distracted your mind from noticing the damage the cold had done to you.

Turning into the doorway of the infirmary, you were confronted by how busy it was. Most of the people caught in the path of the Resistance’s ship had perished, very few had survived, but it was a large enough number to have every medbay on board flooded with patients. You didn’t belong here. All you had was some mild pain, you didn’t want to drain the First Order’s resources.

A med droid ushered you away to a small vacant room and began to run tests. As it scanned your fingers you noticed they’d begun to bleed. They weren’t like that before. It finally dawned on you that you’d lost feeling in the ends of your fingers, you’d been too distracted to realise they were numb and you’d been scratching at them, not just your nails. Normally you’d cringe at the thought of having peeled your own skin away, but it was a little fascinating how you hadn’t felt a thing and still couldn’t.

Once again, the med droid moved you to another room. This room was even smaller and benches lined the walls. The droid instructed you to strip down to your bra and briefs before it sprayed what looked to be bacta on your fingers and ears. It left, leaving giving you only the instruction to sit and relax. Once you’d made yourself comfortable, the room grew dark and a small orb descended from the ceiling. A spritz of something puffed in your direction and the room began to grow warmer.

As time went on, you lost track of it completely. The tiny room had become almost unbearably hot and you’d positioned yourself in the corner with your back against the wall and your feet up on the bench feeling too groggy to hold yourself up. The orb spritzed at you again, the chemical scent invading your nostrils and stinging your sinuses. You huffed heavily to try to bring relief but were as unsuccessful as you had been the last few times. Eyes heavy, you stretched and let yourself slump further into the corner, finally letting your eyes close.

It may have been a blink. You could have been asleep for hours. There was no telling how much time had passed when the door finally swooshed open. Expecting the med droid, you rolled your head to face the door and forced one eye open. The dark figure seemed to stand heavily in the heat and you recognised it as the Supreme Leader.

“Oh…” you mumbled, shifting your weight so you could face him as he sat next to you. Your brain felt tired and confused like you’d drunk too much on a bad day. You struggled to lift your arm and motioned towards the squirting sphere in the middle of the room. “What is this?”

“Bacta. Diluted bacta.” He specified. “We’re running low after that Resistance attack. Takes longer to work but it’s only mild frostbite, you’ll be fine. What’s happened to your fingers?”

“Ughhhh…” You sunk lower feeling too heavy to sit and wiggled your fingers lazily before letting them fall on your bare belly. The wounds were mostly healed. “I think that was me. Didn’t feel it.”

Ren removed his gloves and lifted your fingers up to inspect them, grazing his own gently across the sweaty skin of your tummy. If you hadn’t been so out of it you would have been humiliated to be seen in practically nothing. The First Order issued underwear was relatively modest but they were still underwear. He placed your hand gently back where he’d found it and wiped the sweat that had formed on his brow away with his sleeve.

“You’ve been booked in for assessment to see if your skills are up to scratch. You need to report to…” He paused realising you probably weren’t fit to take in new information while you were so out of it. “So why did…”

“Hey, can I ask you a thing?” You interrupted him, your head turning too fast for your eyes. You took a moment to steady your dizzy eyes. “They say you broke your mask… but also… it’s not?”

“Uhh.” It took him a second to decipher your heat-drunken words. “I did. It’s a new one. More like the one you wear for flying, but you know, looks like the old one.”

“Oh.” He’d given you an oversimplified answer but you accepted it. You frowned at your toes remembering you had more questions about it but not remembering what they were.

“So, did you come up with an excuse.” Ren’s eyes focused on your wet face as you turned back to meet him eye to eye.

“Nnnope. Well, yeah, a few, but I dunno what they even were now. One of them might have even worked.” Your eyes lingered at his neck for a moment before you used every ounce of energy you had left to pull yourself up onto your knees and reposition yourself so you were directly beside him again. You shrugged. “It was just a thing that happened.”

It wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. He wanted you to lie. He wanted to see you nervously and uncomfortably navigate your way through an excuse so he could call you out on it. It wasn’t out of spite, he found your awkwardness endearing. It made him want to know if you were normally like that or if that behaviour was exclusive to him. Ren reached behind your head and tangled his fingers gently into the wet tendrils that were once your hair. Your heavy eyes grew out of synch with each other as they took turns blinking tiredly.

“When can I stop this?” You asked, sleepily motioning towards the bacta dispenser. With the addition of Ren’s hand, your head was too much to keep upright and it slowly fell until it found a place to rest on his shoulder. “This suuuuucks. I’m gonna die in here.”

The Supreme Leader dragged his nails softly against your scalp before removing your head from his shoulder to inspect your ears. Ren’s palms cupped your cheeks while his thumbs trailed over each ear. They seemed fine to him. He wasn’t a medical professional but your ears seemed better than how he’d seen them on the shuttle ride back to the Supremacy.

As soon as he stopped holding your head up, it fell back to rest on his shoulder. His hands scooped your hands up, slowly grazing against your thighs where you’d previous let them land. Ren inspected each digit individually, they were dwarfed by his. Their colour had returned to normal and the small abrasions you’d accidentally afflicted on yourself were now almost unnoticeable.

Ren knew the droids wouldn’t forget about you or put you in danger, but he was growing concerned with how lethargic you’d become. He brought your fingers up to his mouth and breathed warm air onto them to disguise the small kiss he placed on one of your knuckles. If you noticed and called him out on it he’d say he was just testing to make sure you weren’t numb anymore. He helped you up off his shoulder and rested you back against the wall, brushing your wet hair away from your face before standing to leave.

“I’ll make sure the droids know you’re ready to leave.” He said as he made his way to freedom, away from the heat.

“Sir…?” You called out feebly.

He stopped at the doorway and turned to see your eyes struggling to stay open, as wide as they could possibly go, completely focused on him.

“Sorry about my undies, Sir.” You muttered and let yourself slide down the wall into a more comfortable position again.

Ren’s face turned to the ground, the corners of his mouth rounding upward, and he disappeared through the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The assessment didn't go so well and now you can't seem to get a straight answer about what happens next.

It had not been a good last few days.

You’d failed your assessment, been removed from Theta Squad, were dismissed as a TIE pilot altogether, and probably worst of all, the memories of your recovery were hazy due to a mixture of the heat and bacta, but you had the terrible feeling that the Supreme Leader may have seen you in your underwear.

The only bright side seemed to be that you weren’t being kicked out of the First Order, but it had also become clear as you were escorted through the halls of the Supremacy, that you weren’t headed for the trooper barracks. It made sense, your blaster skills were what you scored the lowest on during your assessment, so with your lacking skill there was no chance you were being reassigned as a trooper. The officer that guided you was being less than helpful and you’d given up questioning her about what was happening.

The officer left you once you arrived at a vacant private room. She informed you that these were your new quarters but failed to leave you with any instructions or answer any of the many questions that plagued your mind.

The room was large. It was smaller than your last living quarters but then, you’d shared it with your squadmates, and this was your own personal space. You’d never had privacy before, you’d always lived with your peers and teammates and excitement sunk in. You were going to decorate the shit out of this room… you just needed to get some personal items to do it.

You threw your bag onto your own personal table, took a quick tour of your own personal refresher, finger-gunned at yourself in your own personal mirror, and once you were done exploring your room, you collapsed onto your own personal bed. Your old bed had a spring that poked into your thigh as you slept but your new bed was soft and comfortable. You’d believe anyone if they told you it had never once been slept in.

As you let your head get enveloped by the marshmallowy pillow, the questions came back. What the kriff was your job now? It had to be pretty cushy to get you such a nice living area. How could it be, though? No TIE pilot could live like this… maybe those in command, but you’d been kicked from the Elite TIE pilot program completely. You didn’t have any training in leadership either so you weren’t going to become an officer. Nothing added up. Not to mention you weren’t even sure if someone was going to come around and give you instructions on what was happening next. Were you just supposed to wait here?

Screw that. You rolled lazily off the comfy bed and made a bee line for the door. You couldn’t be expected to wait for an undetermined amount of time, so it wouldn’t be your fault if someone finally delivered the details of your new situation and you were off exploring.

Exploring was probably the wrong word for what you were doing since you already knew the ship pretty well, but you weren’t as familiar with this area. The facilities in this area of the Supremacy were frequented by officers so you’d rarely find yourself in these halls unless you were just wandering around aimlessly to clear your head.

You visited the gym, mess hall, and cantina closest to your new room and they all had one thing in common; the people in each facility outranked you. There were no troopers keeping in shape in the gym. The mess hall was nicer and didn’t seem to be constantly on the brink of a food fight. The bar was free of TIE pilots gloating about their latest flight. It was obvious everyone here was of a higher rank, you didn’t belong here and it was alienating. You decided to head back to your room.

Turning the final corner to the hall your new room was in, you saw him. For a brief moment panic took over you, like you were a kid again seeing your crush unexpectedly, and you hid behind the corner before he could see you. Ren was probably just there to let you know what was going on. Why him though? It didn’t matter, he was there. You regained your bravery, put your big girl pants back on, and turned the corner.

The black figure disappeared around another corner and out of site. Shit. You rushed from your corner to his, trying to not seem too suspicious in front of a pair of officers giving you the stink eye. Ren was faster than you’d anticipated, sure you’d catch up if you moved quickly enough, but the longer this went on the weirder it would be when you finally reached him. Maybe it would be better to call out to him.

“Sir?”

No response.

“…Sir?”

Nothing.

Ren kept up his pace as he seemed to be unable to hear you, but he was nearing another corner and you didn’t want to lose him. Then it hit you. You weren’t supposed to be calling him that now that you were back. How could you let yourself forget that? You half-jogged towards the corner and tried again.

“…Supreme Leader Ren?”

Ren finally stopped which took you by surprise making you stop in your tracks instead of continuing to close the gap. He turned to face you and you were stumped. What now? As he stood and stared in your direction, it hit you just how intimidating he was. It definitely didn’t feel like it did back on that icy planet. You moved towards him meekly hoping you’d find the words you needed or at least something acceptable to say, however, once you reached him your mind was still blank.

“Has no one been to tell you about your new position?” His eyes scanned you and he seemed mildly surprised to find you still in your pilot uniform.

“Oh.” You took in a deep and let your mouth try to pluck something from your brain. “Maybe. I dunno. Someone mighta… they coulda… See, the thing is, the officer that brought me here from my old room didn’t exactly talk much. She kinda just walked. The only thing she said to me was ‘this is your new quarters’ and then she just left. The entire time we walked she just ignored whatever I said and I dunno if she was just being rude… or if I was being rude for asking…”

There was a brief pause as you sucked in air.

“So then when she left I was just alone and I wasn’t sure what to do or how long I was supposed to wait so I tried my bed out… which is so much softer than my old one by the way… and my brain was just all over the place wondering what I’m supposed to be doing now that I’m not a pilot anymore… which is stupid because I know I’m a great pilot! I mean, yeah, on that mission things didn’t go so great but normally I’m really good… but anyway, I wasn’t sure how long it would be before someone came and got me again or if someone was even going to stop by at all so I thought I’d have a little look around just to check things out and I was shocked that there’s just officers around and it makes me have even less of an idea of what’s going on so I was hoping…”

Your eyes caught sight of two officers that had stopped in their tracks to stare at you. It was clear what was going through their heads. One looked on with disgust because of how informally you were talking toward the Supreme Leader, the other one stood in fear expecting the Supreme Leader to strike you down with his saber.

“…So, I was hoping that maybe you knew what I’m supposed to be doing, Supreme Leader Ren, Sir…” The pace of your words had slowed considerably and you now took your cue to shut up.

“Right.” Ren ushered the onlookers away while keeping his eyes on you. “Follow me.”

He was away and you did a small skip to stick behind him and tried to keep up with his fast strides. Leading you further and further away from your new room you marked your route on a mental map to make sure you found your way back in case you had to make the return trip on your own.

“Need repairs again, Supreme Leader Ren?” A squeaky voice called out from the room Ren had just entered.

“Not this time. I’ve brought along RN-1799 for her fitting.” He replied.

You joined the two of them in the room and stood behind Ren but far out enough so you could see who he was talking to.

“Oh! I expected you sooner!” Said the plump woman with rosy cheeks. She pulled you out from your hiding spot behind Ren and whipped a measuring tape from what seemed like nowhere. “I think you’re going to like the design we settled on. Practical and durable but still stylish, if I do say so myself. Three different sets of armour, your regular set, you’ll get a few of those, then some cold and hot weather sets.”

She led you behind a partition and gestured for you to undress.

“That reminds me.” The tailor continued. “Supreme Leader Ren, the offer still stands. I’m more than happy to make you some warm weather armour. It must be hotter than Mustafar in that set up you’ve got… by the way, sweetheart,” She said turning back to you. “Are you alright with the Supreme Leader here or would you prefer if this was a girls only event?”

You were unexpectedly pulled back into the conversation. Your eyes darted back and forth between the tailor, the partition, and Ren. Ren’s eyes parted from you, he found a seat near the door and busied himself by picking at the armrest.

“It’s okay.” You told her quietly. At most, he’d be able to see down to your shoulders, which if your suspicions were correct, paled in comparison to what he’d already seen of you. As much as it had already embarrassed you to think about, this was the first time he was present while you tried to figure out if your foggy memories of your recovery were real. It felt much worse. Heat bubbled under the skin of your chest, up your neck and across your cheeks.

Once the measurements had been taken, the tailor informed you that your new wardrobe would be ready the next day. Your armour was given top priority. Ren guided you around the ship taking you further and further away from your quarters. In the armoury you received a blaster that was coded to your fingerprint and a few spares that weren’t. Turning back in the opposite direction and passing your quarters, the Supreme Leader stopped at a large window that overlooked one of the hangers.

“See those?” He asked, a gloved finger pressed against the transparisteel. Almost a quarter of the large hanger was taken up by the construction of what looked to be five TIE silencers. “When they’re done you can have first pick.”

The day had started in confusion and it looked like it was going to end the same way. Sure, you felt like you were being led to an answer but you were going as slow as a sarlacc’s digestive system. As much as you enjoyed being in the presence of the Supreme Leader, if you didn’t get answers by the end of the day you felt like you were going to explode.

“What the hell is going on?” You blurted out, losing control of your mouth. Your head snapped forward and you stared ahead afraid to acknowledge your small outburst. That had to be overstepping a line.

“This way.” Ren said. Without looking at you, his hand landed on your shoulder and trailed down your arm until his hand engulfed yours. He was off again and you had no choice but to keep close as he stormed through the halls. You could feel your heart throbbing against your sternum and cursed whoever it was that invented gloves. Their invention had created an unwanted barrier between your skin and his.

The Supreme Leader’s hand dropped yours as you reached a corner. Without being led by hand you still managed to keep up. A small group of lieutenants paused their conversation as the two of you passed them. Most avoided eye contact though a pale one with dark hair seemed like he was too scared to look away.

Moving around another corner and out of sight of the lieutenants, Ren reached his hand back toward you. There was no way he was offering it for you to hold, right? His gloved fingers grabbed at the air, motioning for something to be placed in them. Your pockets were empty, you had nothing else to give but your hand. You sped up so you were close enough and tenderly touched your fingers to his. Without hesitation his hand wrapped around yours again.

Ren’s pace quickened again and you assumed that he just wanted your hand to make sure you kept up with him. Him dropping your hand before was probably just to avoid those lieutenants from gossiping. The Supreme Leader couldn’t get involved with an ex-Elite TIE pilot. Still, there was no harm in you imagining the two of you together. His hand squeezed yours a little tighter, no doubt to make sure he wasn’t losing his grip, and all your focus went to trying to force the corners of your mouth from curling upward.

“You wanted answers?” Ren asked, dropping your hand, as you came to a stop at the door of a conference room. His mouth twitched upward ever so briefly as your eyes met his. “This is where you’ll get them.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally you get your answers and Ren has a good excuse.

“Ah, Supreme Leader.” Called the ginger General from the end of a large table. He motioned toward an empty chair for you to take. “Shall we begin?”

Ren moved toward Hux and they separated themselves from the group to talk privately. You took a seat and studied the other four at the table. They must be the pilots of the other TIE Silencers being built. You pepped up realising you were finally one question lighter.

“I’m Saima” Said the girl next to you, her voice deep and melodic. She pointed one by one to the remaining three. “He’s Vail, he’s Garric, and they’re Lexan. You?”

“I’m RN-1799.” You replied, trying to take in everyone’s features.

“You don’t have a proper name?” Saima asked softly as though the question might upset you.

“Bucketheads don’t get names.” Garric mocked. It was obvious that he was going to be as much of an arsehole as he looked.

“Don’t be a prick, Garric.” Lexan said, rolling their eyes at him. “Look at her, that’s a TIE pilot uniform. 50 credits say she’s a better pilot than you. Ignore him. Squads give each other nicknames, right?”

“Uhh… yeah…” You replied slowly. “I’m Spit-”

“Spit?!” Garric launched himself up from his chair, slamming his fists against the table before you could finish. His voice was aggressively obnoxious. “Spit?! Yeah, suits you, Spit!”

Before you had a chance to retaliate or for him to continue, Garric was thrown backward by an invisible force. He landed hard in his chair which would have tipped over if he hadn’t kicked his leg up under the desk to stop the momentum, accidentally kicking Vail in the process. Just as he steadied himself, it seemed like he’d forgotten how to breathe. Not surprising for someone who looked so dim. As Garric grasped at his throat, the rest of the table fell silent and made themselves small in case they fell victim too. Not you though, you had no pity for the man you’d just met and there was an optimistic confidence inside you that told you that you were safe.

You faced the Supreme Leader, his face mildly contorted with anger. General Hux whispered something to Ren causing him to let go of Garric and look at you. As Garric doubled over onto the desk coughing, you wordlessly thanked him. It was an overreaction but it was still appreciated. You knew you could hold your own when words got heated but in Ren’s own weird way it was sort of a sweet gesture.

“Spitfire.” You continued as soon as the group had recovered. “I got it while at the academy and it stuck when I was chosen to be an Elite TIE pilot.” You made sure to emphasize that you weren’t just a regular TIE pilot so Garric knew that Lexan was right, you absolutely could fly circles around that jerk.

“Spitfire it is!” Saima beamed.

While the group waited for Ren and Hux, you all got talking and got an idea of what everyone was like. Saima seemed very feminine and cared a lot about her appearance. She was also lively and loved hearing everyone’s opinions on everything. Garric was stubborn and it was rooted in arrogance. He wasn’t afraid of a fight; his pride was what mattered to him. Lexan gave the impression that they accepted everyone and would be a fiercely loyal friend. Lexan was just the type of person you wanted on your side. Vail didn’t talk much but it wasn’t out of shyness. There was a calmness in his silence but it also left a cloud of mystery around him.

“Right.” The General addressed the five of you in the most authoritative stance he could muster. “As you’ll all no doubt be aware, Snoke had his own guard to protect him. They were skilled warriors but were bested by our new Supreme Leader. The Praetorian Guard were specialised in melee combat, the new guard must master more than that. You’ll all be well aware that Supreme Leader Ren is not content to lounge around all day like his predecessor. The new guard will accompany the Supreme Leader on missions as well as protect him within the fleet. You are the five that have been chosen for this task. You all carry strengths that put you above the rest of the first order and your weaknesses with be drilled out of you.”

Your stomach was in knots, this wasn’t the news you’d expected. Sure, you could fly, but your blaster skills needed a lot of work and you had no idea how you’d manage in melee combat. You’d been summoned here by mistake, you had to have been.

“General,” Lexan raised their hand hoping to gain Hux’s attention. “Why us? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“You’ve all proven to be completely loyal to the First Order in your evaluations which was a prerequisite.” Hux said as though he was presenting you with an award for your faithfulness. “Saima has proven to be the most proficient with a blaster in the First Order. Vail is the most adept at attaining information from our enemies as well as keeping our own secrets. Garric and Lexan are the First Order’s two best fighters in strength and dexterity respectfully. RN-1799 is the best pilot the First Order has to offer, not to mention she was recently willing to sacrifice her life by leaping into an icy ravine to save Supreme Leader Ren.”

You sank a little into your chair. It was an honour to be called the best pilot but everyone hearing about the ravine was embarrassing. Obviously, Ren had told him about it but how much did he know about it? Hux usually wore a cocky smirk so it was hard to tell if that was just his normal face, or if he was smirking because Ren had informed him of just how tragic your attempted rescue was. It was the thought that counted anyway, even if Ren had ended up saving you instead from what was probably a terrible jump, your heart was still in the right place.

The General continued to explain your new roles. You were a team, you’d all train to master each of the necessary skills, failure would result in being replaced by the next best candidate. You only had to take orders from Ren himself, though it was advised that Hux’s commands were worth consideration but they could never interfere with Ren’s. You were given new datapads with your schedules and could only message a trusted few and the other guards. From the look of it, there would always be someone watching over the Supreme Leader. It made sense that he would have to be protected but Ren didn’t seem like the kind of guy who took kindly to having his privacy invaded.

Once the meeting was over, the group was dismissed, Ren and Hux stayed behind, and the five of you walked back to your quarters as a group. Everyone was excited for your new roles, Vail was difficult to read but you could tell he was too. He was also your neighbour to the left, Saima’s quarters were to your right, and Lexan and Garric were on the opposite side of the hall. It was late now, none of you were expected to be on duty until the day after tomorrow when you were all equipped with your new uniforms, so you bid each other good night and parted.

You had hoped you’d be able to talk to Ren again after the meeting. A proper talk this time, not like the mess that flew out of your mouth earlier. As you began to unpack your bag the last few pieces fell into place. Keeping you warm, checking up on you during your recovery, coming to find you, getting to pick which ship you wanted, it had all been because of your new position. It wasn’t personal, he was just keeping an eye on someone that would be working for him. You had gained a new prestigious job, you should be proud of your accomplishment, instead, you felt defeated.

You changed into your standard issue pyjamas and lay in bed on top of the covers. You willed yourself to think of something else, anything else, but the Supreme Leader was firmly planted in your mind. It was now clear as day and completely undeniable, it was more than just admiration, maybe even more than a crush and it was the most painful thing you’d ever experienced.

All you wanted was to knot your fingers into the dark waves of his hair. Given the chance, you’d kiss that mole again, completely unapologetically. You’d do absolutely anything to watch his full lips curve up into a smile. For such an intimidating man, he was so cute when he smiled. If you ever caught him with a full-on grin you were sure you’d melt.

You’d never felt so conflicted. You’d get to see him everyday now, but he’d never see you the way you saw him. He could never know how you felt. Feeling too low to even turn the lights off, you hid yourself away under your blankets and waited for sleep to finally take you away from these emotions.

At breakfast the next morning, you sat as a group, minus Ren who was a no-show. That was fine. Guard duty wasn’t starting until tomorrow and he was probably indulging in as much freedom as he could before the group would plague him. Your stomach felt off and you tried your best to eat but all you could manage was to pick at some fruit.

Excusing yourself from the group, you stopped by your quarters to put on your exercise gear and headed to the gym. You knew you couldn’t teach yourself to fight, that would happen over time with whoever was training the group, but you figured you could at least gain a little confidence before the rest of the guards witness how inept you were. Garric in particular would enjoy seeing just how bad you were and you didn’t want him to have the satisfaction.

Thankfully the gym was empty, you wouldn’t have any witnesses. You started slow, your movements were clumsy, your punches barely made the dummy budge, but as time pressed on you became bolder and less self-conscious. You had a long way to go before you’d win a fight but you knew you’d get there eventually.

“Your stance needs work.” Ren’s deep voice called from the door. “Elbows in, fists up. You’re gonna get hit in the face like that.”

You stopped your assault and watched Ren as he walked over and draped himself over the dummy. He held an iced bun in his right hand which he then casually tossed toward you. You caught it with a slight fumble, your fingers accidentally digging into the icing. You instinctively licked your digits clean.

“Lexan said you hadn’t eaten.” He said motioning for you to eat. “Why aren’t you with the others?”

“What are they doing?” You questioned with a mouth full of bun.

“They’re in the archives now and plan on going to the cantina later.” Ren replied.

“…Garric can read?” You asked feigning shock.

“I think he’s more interested in Saima than reading.” Ren raised his brows knowingly.

“Poor girl…” You said. No one deserved to be pursued by that creep. Shaking your head at Saima’s misfortune, you took another small bite.

“You too.” Ren nodded toward you. Seeing your look of confusion, he continued. “Saima isn’t the only one he’s got his eye on.”

Your face fell flat and you stuck your tongue out indicating the thought made you want to throw up. There was chewed bun scattered around your tongue still. Ren shook his head at the site, a small smile plastered on his face. Your eyes became large as you realised you were doing it again. You had the worst habit of being informal with the Supreme Leader, though to be fair, it was his fault for letting you talk to him casually while you were stranded. You apologised.

“Your feet are wrong too.” He pushed himself away from the dummy to walk to over to you. There was a brief moment of confusion before you realised he’d returned to your initial conversation. “You’ll lose your footing like that.”

He was right. Before you could adjust your feet, Ren was looming over you. His hand grabbed your shoulder and with very little force, pushed you backward. On your way down, you only had one instinct, save the bun! Your bun-filled hand shot to the sky to protect it from the ground. The bun was safe.

“Nice save.” The Supreme Leader extended a hand to you, you took it in your own and he helped you up. He wore an amused but apologetic smile and made sure you were stable again. Moving swiftly behind you he placed his hands on your hips. “Finish your bun. Arms up again.”

A little too willing to comply, you brought the bun up quicker than you’d anticipated and bopped it into your cheek, just shy of where you mouth was. Hopefully he didn’t see that. Your second attempt at putting the bun in your mouth was a lot more successful.

“This foot should go here… and this one here.” Ren said nudging your legs into position with his own. This was exactly what you didn’t need now that you were so aware of your feelings for him. His warm breath caressed the back of your neck as his hands pulled your hips into position. One hand felt its way slowly up and across your belly. “Hips straight and tense your gut. Trust me, you don’t wanna get hit in a relaxed stomach. Good.”

You didn’t even need to be told to make your belly tense, it just happened naturally at the surprise of his touch.

“Is this how you fight?” You asked as his hands fell away from you.

“Me? No. I get too carried away to remember any of this. You’re my guard, you’re the one that needs to remember.” He said. “Now try again.”

Your fists met the dummy again. It was clear you still had a long way to go but you definitely felt sturdier and more confident after your small lesson. Once you stopped, Ren peppered you with a few words of praise, your chest filling with pride. That pride was replaced with uncertainty when he moved in front of you, a smile burst through his face and he was shaking his head at you.

“Maybe next time I’ll have to teach you how to eat a bun. You’ve got icing on you.” He said with the slightest chuckle.

Your hand reached up to where you’d bonked yourself in the face but the Supreme Leader was faster. His lips met your cheek and instead of touching your own cheek, your hand came to rest on his. It could have only lasted a second or two but it felt like time had slowed. Your face burned as it darkened. Suddenly your stance didn’t feel so sturdy. Your hands tingled. The only thing going through your mind was “AAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Suddenly your brain flooded in with thoughts of when the two of you were stranded. What if he’d kissed you like this when your lips met his neck? Oh stars… did you ever come up with an excuse for that? In your hazy memories of the recovery, you could remember the topic coming up, but not what you’d actually said. What would happen if you kissed back now?!

Your brain was “AAAAAAAAAAH!”ing again as he pulled away. You accidentally lurched forward not wanting his lips to leave you, but you caught yourself before you lost your balance. You turned your face away bashfully to hide the very obvious crush you had.

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” You said wobbly. You had to convince yourself it wasn’t a kiss. He said it himself, there was icing. It was a weird way to get rid of icing though. Still, you shouldn’t question the methods of your superior. While you were too shy to look up, Ren took it as his cue to leave you to practice on the dummy alone again.

“RN-1799?” He called from the doorway. You summoned the courage to look over to him. He was grinning at you, and you were right last night, it made your knees feel weaker, you absolutely could melt! “That’s how you make an excuse.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's agenda: Weapons training.

Black, accented in a deep wine red, your new armour fit like a dream. You twisted and bent your body in every way you could conceive and didn’t feel constricted at all. You made a mental note to visit the tailor and thank her for the work she and her employees had done for you. You had expected there to be heavier elements to the armour for more protection, but made of synthmesh and some sort of leather, you assumed the main idea was to avoid getting hit.

You hadn’t seen the other four since breakfast yesterday. You considered meeting them at the cantina but were too worried a few drinks might have loosened your tongue too much and cause you to spill the beans about everything that had happened with the Supreme Leader. Yesterday was… well, yesterday was a lot for you to process. Most of the day after the gym was spent storming through the halls trying to figure out what was going on.

You’d been back and forth all day in your head. It was a kiss. It wasn’t a kiss, he was cleaning your cheek. Cleaning with a kiss though. He only did it to make fun of the mole incident. It was impossible to come to a conclusion, it was tormenting you.

The other guards would be a good distraction now that there wasn’t the risk of alcohol potentially causing you to blab. You were the last to join the group in the mess hall, the others were already tucking in. As a group you all looked daunting in your new armour. No one dared go near the formidable five.

Well, one person dared to go near you. As the Supreme Leader sat down opposite you at the round table, the group became six. It was weird, surely he had his own chefs to prepare his meals, then again it made sense, no one could guard him if you were supposed to eat separately. It didn’t make sense but it was convenient.

You’d hoped to pick up on something in his voice when he greeted you but everyone received the same greeting. Ren asked Vail to retrieve his breakfast from the kitchen, he returned with a tray that was fancier than the ones everyone else had to use and it was loaded with a large assortment of food. The majority looked to be mostly protein and sweet pastries, including the same sort of bun he’d given you yesterday.

“Bun, RN-1799?” He asked, noticing you eyeing it, and extended it toward you. He was clearly baiting you. When you gave no answer, he floated it to your tray with the force. “You’ll have to be careful, some people find them to be a bit messy to eat.”

Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment but you still managed to silently mouth your gratitude to him. The rest of the guards were puzzled at the actions of the Supreme Leader though no one would speak up about it, at least, not while he was around. Ren was more than happy to give an explanation though.

“RN-1799 always has her eyes on my buns” He clarified smirking. The group erupted into laughter, Garric being maybe a little too enthusiastic, but it took you a moment to realise he wasn’t talking about the frosted variety he’d given you. You were mortified, he obviously knew how you felt about him and he was openly mocking you. You feigned laughter hoping no one would catch on.

When the group settled down, and thankfully they did, Ren went over the day’s itinerary. Once breakfast was over you’d all head down to the firing range. After that it would be time for lunch and when that was done you’d all get to pick out your melee weapons and begin training with them. Regular guard duties would commence after dinner.

When breakfast had concluded and the six of you were headed to blaster practice, Saima walked by your side at the back of the pack. She gripped your arm and tugged you towards her without trying to look suspicious.

“That was a little weird… the bun thing. What was that about? She whispered.

“Yeah, he was just teasing. He gave me a bun yesterday since I hadn’t really eaten. I was clumsy and got some on my face. It wasn’t a big deal but it was a bit embarrassing.” You answered giving only half of the truth.

“And the joke about his butt?”

“He probably just knows I’m intimidated by him so he’s pushing my buttons to see how far he can push me.” You said. It could have been the truth, you couldn’t know for sure.

“Maybe. Wouldn’t make sense if you were actually checking out his butt. His tunic’s too long and his pants aren’t tight enough to get a good peek, ya’know?” Saima grinned at you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

You pretended to act shocked, offended even, and playfully slapped her away for being so rude. In reality you were a little jealous. This Mega-class Star Dreadnought wasn’t big enough for two crushes on the Supreme Leader, and you’d called dibs… secretly… and hopefully no one would find out.

At the firing range, your wobbly hands gripped your blaster tightly, you’d never meet the high standards you’d need with aim like this. Most shots managed to hit the target, but they’d wound, not kill, and that wasn’t good enough. Growing more defeated and anxious in your abilities you were about to give up when you felt immersed in his calming presence. Ren’s gloved hands snaked down your forearms and wrapped around your hands. His body stepped into yours, flush against your back. His face dipped down next to yours and there was that warm familiar breath on your cheek.

“I’ll help you.” Ren whispered, his thumb tenderly caressing the back of your hand.

Your finger trembled on the trigger as you took aim. You breathed out slowly, finding a sense of serenity you fired. Headshot.

You managed a tiny bounce in excitement before the Supreme Leader spun you around to face him. His palms found your cheeks and pulled your lips up to his. You lost touch on reality as your blaster fell from your hand and you curled your arms around his neck.

“Supreme Leader Ren…” you spoke with heavy eyelids, pulling your lips away from his.

“Call me Kylo.” He said.

“Alright.” You shyly beamed at him. “Ky-“

“Take the damn shot already, RN-1799!”

Captain Kita’s voice booming into your ear brought you back to reality. Still facing your target, blaster in hand, your miracle headshot had never happened and Ren was by the door busying himself with his datapad in his own little world.

As instructed, you took the damned shot. It hit the target’s finger. A near miss but still a hit. It was one of your worst shots of the day. Captain Kita, the new head of the stormtroopers and the group’s shooting tutor, decided to test everyone and record your scores so you could see your improvement later down the road. You were a shoe-in for the ‘most improved’ trophy… it’s not like you could get worse.

When lunch came, you sat to the right of Ren but with Vail in between you. It made for an awkward angle if Ren was to pick you out if he wanted to talk or taunt you. It was a successful deterrent, though maybe he just didn’t want to talk to you. You were frustrating yourself. One moment you wanted him to just ignore you, the next you couldn’t think of anything worse. On the bright side, you made it through the meal without another bun-cident.

The five of you assembled in a large hall in front of an assortment of vibroblades that the Supreme Leader stood by. As you scanned through the blades from your place in line, your eyes were drawn to a twin pair that resembled khopeshes. There was something about the elegant but jagged design that tempted you.

Ren explained to the group that you would all get to pick a weapon to have as your own, you’d need them for melee combat if the situation ever arose and keep them with you at all times except during flight missions. You were excited about getting to pick, until he explained you’d go in the order you were standing in. Being directly in the middle was a blessing and a curse. Two people would pick before you either way. You figured if you asked nicely enough, three of them would be kind enough to pick again, however, if Garric went first he’d probably keep them just to make you miserable.

Garric went first. As he hovered around the khopesh-like blades you tried to set fire to his head with your mind. There was no time like the present to discover you had secret force powers. Could you set fire to people with the force? You didn’t know but it didn’t stop you from trying. Finally, Garric walked back to the line, dual wielding a pair of heavy-looking vibroaxes. What a relief. Vail went next and returned with a simplistic vibrolance.

You took the blades you’d had an eye on without hesitation. The same couldn’t be said for Saima. She chose a chunky voulge initially but replaced it with a more delicate one, not simply for the way it looked, but because the smaller one would be less cumbersome. Of all the weapons still to chose from, Lexan ended up with the polearm Saima had nearly picked.

“Now that you’ve picked, you’ll fight against each other. When I think you’re good enough, you get to fight me.” Ren said pacing in front of the line. It confused you that he’d want you to fight him when you were good enough considering you were the ones who were supposed to protect him, but sure, alright then. “Now break off into pairs. One of you will have to train with me.”

Garric and Vail paired up due to proximity and you figured you’d do the same with Saima because you didn’t want to embarrass yourself by letting Ren see how inexperienced you were. Saima had other plans. She took a step toward the Supreme Leader as he made his way towards the line. Just as she was about to reach him, he gripped her shoulder and nudged so she spun back toward Lexan. He stood in front of you and gave a slow nod indicating he’d be your training partner.

“Alright, keep you blades turned off, we’re running low enough on bacta as it is. Don’t go nuts, just, you know, be considerate of your partner’s skill level until you’re both confident. If you’re gonna mess around, next time you’ll be fighting with sticks.” Ren addressed the group aloofly before gesturing for each pair to find their own spot to fight.

Ren grabbed a vibrosword from the display and led you toward a vacant spot in the hall away from everyone. You were a little disappointed not to see his lightsaber, but also very much relieved as it was a terrifying weapon. Not knowing what to say to your imposing partner, you adjusted your stance into the position he’d taught you to fight in, holding your blades so they were facing away from you instead of impaling your face.

“That’s how you’re going to hold those?” Ren asked.

“Yeah… I dunno. Feels better this way.” You replied loosening your stance to become a little more relaxed.

“I see.” Ren lunged toward you sweeping his sword toward your belly. In a panic, your right arm swept down and managed to meet his blade with yours. A grin crept up onto his face. “Good. A reverse grip is good for defensive fighting and counter attacks. You probably don’t wanna stand like that though.”

The Supreme Leader let his sword fall to the floor and moved behind you. For the second day in a row his hands were on your hips and you felt the heat return to your cheeks again.

“Legs a little further out but not so far that it makes you unstable again or unable to move… it’s a momentum thing. Good. Hips back a bit. Butt in.” He said with a swift pat on your bum. Your eyes shot open in surprise, you hadn’t even realised it was sticking out. He came around to the front of you and adjusted your shoulders. “And you can probably do whatever you want with your arms.”

“So then… is this how you fight?” You asked now that you were in position and primed to fight.

“Like I told you, I’m too impulsive.” Ren replied.

“Right, I’m the one that needs to remember.” You said with a half-smile.

Ren poised himself to attack and raised his brows as if to ask if you were ready, you gave a brief nod and he pounced towards you. With every swing you blocked, he stepped forward. The quicker you were to block, the faster he moved. His assault was forcing you backward and you were panicking. Hadn’t he been the one to say that everyone needed to be considerate of each other’s ability? He couldn’t possibly think you could be ready for such an assault.

Your back found the wall, you had no more room left to go. He swung his sword toward your throat and you managed to block just in time but he wasn’t backing off. Baring his teeth, he continued to force his blade forward until you caved in. You couldn’t give up, you were too terrified to do that. If you moved, your body would be an entire head lighter so you held on hoping he would stop soon.

He could see the fear in your eyes, he saw the panic he caused in you. Ren drew his face closer to yours and you winced expecting him to taunt you. The snarl disappeared from his face, it was replaced with a softness you hadn’t seen before.

“You can do this.” He said quietly. You could tell from the look in his eyes that he was genuine. It dawned on you, he was confident that you could get out of this, he was confident in your abilities. He hadn’t let you be harmed yet, why would that change now? You trusted him. Completely.

Although everything in your body was screaming at you not to do it, you adjusted your blades causing his to sink closer to your flesh but it gave you leverage. You were able to thrust your swords to the side causing his to pull away from you, then you ducked down and was able to escape. You weren’t able to revel in your achievement for long, Ren was back at you, aggressive as ever.

“You can’t just defend,” He said as you backed away toward the other side of the room. “You need to attack. You can’t win if you don’t.”

How could you? You were never given an opening. He swung, you blocked. Again, and again. He was relentless and all you could do was resist. Wait, no, you had two weapons, he had one. Instead of blocking with each blade one after the other, you realised you could block then attack before he had a chance to swing again. It was so obvious.

Ren’s sword came crashing down above you, your left blade prevented it from hitting you while your right one attacked. It was a surprise to Ren just as much as it was to you. You hadn’t expected it to work, you thought he would stop you somehow or that you’d stop yourself. You didn’t know what you’d anticipated would happen but it was definitely not this!

The blade swiped across the left side of his torso and you recoiled in fear. A grunt broke through Ren’s stunned lips as his face distorted into a grimace. You dropped your swords to the ground, maybe if you got rid of them it would never have happened. No, that doesn’t make sense, it already happened. Oh, stars, you were freaking out, and now everyone was looking at you!

A small sliver of sense returned to you. You needed to get help. You had to get him to the medbay. How deep was it? Could he walk. He could stand. Kriff, you were in trouble. This was exactly the opposite of keeping him safe! You were the worst guard ever!

The Supreme Leader may have been the wounded one, but you were so dead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're having some emotions...

There were no witnesses in the corridors as you chased behind the Supreme Leader as he stormed from the hall to the nearest medicentre. With every few steps came a wobble in his knees but he pushed away every outreached hand and offer of help that you gave. He had too much pride to accept help.

If Ren was being strong despite being injured, you could be too. Taking a deep breath to ease your panic, your walking normalised instead of continuing the nervous hoppy dance you’d been doing while trailing him. His guards needed to be level headed, you could do this.

While you agreed it was in the Supreme Leader’s best interest to keep the incident quiet, there were still people that needed to know. You whipped out your datapad and searched through the contacts you’d been given. Scanning through the list, you found the nearest medbay.

'Supreme Leader Ren injured. Degree of injury unknown. Decent blood loss. ETA ONE(1) minute.

\- RN-1799 of the Ren’s Guard'

You rubbed your forehead trying to will a plan into your mind. Who else? Right, of course. Scanning through the list again you found General Hux’s name.

'Supreme Leader Ren injured. Headed to medicentre Deck 14, Sector E-Five. Unknown severity of injury. Biowaste clean-up required on route from training hall, including training hall.

\- RN-1799 of the Ren’s Guard'

That damned automated signature taunted you every time. You’d been dramatic in the past, expecting to be removed from the First Order, but in none of those times had you practically murdered the Supreme Leader.

“‘RN-1799 of the Ren’s Guard’… yeah we’ll see how long that lasts.” You mumbled quietly to yourself.

Your ETA was a little off, but still arrived at the infirmary in good time. They hadn’t been given much warning but still managed to prepare enough for Ren’s arrival. The doctors escorted him away through a set of doors, thanking you for the heads up, and left you behind with the rest of the guards.

“What now?” Saima asked.

“We guard.” You answered.

You walked up to the main desk and requested to be let though, you couldn’t guard the Supreme Leader from so far away. The morose man, who must have been pushing sixty, refused your entry.

“Patients and medical staff only.” He said flatly.

Ridiculous! Exceptions had to be made for such a high-profile patient. As much as he wouldn’t admit it himself, Ren was in a weakened state and vulnerable. No amount of reason or yelling would convince the old man. You went anyway.

Beyond the doors, no one seemed to have a problem giving you directions to where Ren had been taken, with your armour, the group was too intimidating to deny assistance. You’d lost valuable time arguing with the old man behind the desk, and when you got to Ren he was already in an operating room. You and the guards agreed to the doctor’s request to not enter the sterile environment but were able to keep watch from the window.

The Supreme Leader was already out cold and the doctors were assessing how much damage you’d caused. Panic was beginning to rise in your belly again but you fought it off. You weren’t done being strong yet, you just had to hold on until he was alright. You took a deep breath. He’ll be alright.

“I can’t believe you’ve killed him.” Garric sneered, trying to rile you up.

“Go eat a bucket of bantha dung, Garric.” You kept your eyes on Ren. You were so sick of him, you didn’t have time for his crap. “I don’t see you trying to help.”

“I helped by not killing him.” He said loudly.

“Enough!” Called the stern voice of General Hux from behind the group. “Guards, tell me what is happening.”

The group eyed each other deciding who would do the talking. You’d caused this mess, it should be you. Garric began to open his mouth, no doubt to rat you out, but you cut him off before he had a chance.

“We were at weapons training. There’s an odd number of us so I was paired with Supreme Leader Ren. I was instinctively fighting defensively but he ordered me to start attacking. I thought he’d get out of the way. His… his reactions are so fast… I didn’t think I’d… I’d…” Your heart was racing, and your eyes were beginning to sting as you tried to hold back the tears that were beginning to form. You couldn’t do this in front of the General, you took a deep breath and found your bravery before continuing. “It was my mistake. I did panic, for a moment, but then I realised that wasn’t going to help. I called the medicentre and you to let you know. I don’t have a contact for someone that can clear up the blood that was left in our path, that’s why let you know about that.”

“And how did you get Ren here?” The General asked.

“He walked.” Lexan piped up. “Supreme Leader Ren wouldn’t let anyone touch him. Transport was out of the question.”

“Typical.” Hux said, his eyes narrowing on Ren. “RN-1799, could you excuse us for a moment. I’d like to speak with the rest of the guard. Go wait at the room Ren will be recovering in.”

You nodded swiftly and left to find out what room that would be. Looking back at the group, Saima and Lexan smiled at you weakly.

The room wasn’t too far from where Ren was in surgery, but still too far to be able to overhear the General addressing the guards, no doubt talking about you. The anxious energy inside you was too much to hold in. You didn’t know how long you’d be alone so you decided it was best to remain calm. You could release the valve to your fear later.

Time passed too quickly while you bounced and fidgeted in your anxiety. Within no time at all, a still unconscious Ren was being moved into the room you guarded followed by Hux. Although he wore a straight face, you could see in his eyes that he was way to amused to see Ren like this. The rest of the guard walked straight past the hall. Why were they not joining you?

“Three of the four other guards are convinced this was an accident so there won’t be repercussions unless Ren decides it.” Hux said keeping his eyes glued on the Supreme Leader.

“I would never do this on purpose. Garric’s an areshole…” You said knowing just who it was.

“…Quite.” Hux glanced at you. “Lexan spoke up and said you should be the one to watch over Ren as he recovers. They said you seemed like you needed a personal victory.”

“Thank you, I won’t mess this up, General.” You said giving him as stoic of a smile as you could manage.

“He shouldn’t be out for long. The other guards have gone back to train, so technically you’ll be pulling a double shift of guard duty since you were rostered on for the first guard watch.” Hux began to busy himself with his datapad. “I’ve alerted Ren’s chefs that he’ll be eating here. I can organise a meal be sent up for you since you won’t be able to eat until morning otherwise.”

Your mind had wondered off, busying itself with thoughts of the Supreme Leader. You came back to reality enough just to nod to confirm you’d appreciate a meal when the time came. Hux excused himself and you joined Ren in his room closing the door behind you.

You took a seat on the chair by the far wall. After practically slicing him in half, or at least, that’s how it felt, you had a lot to prove to Ren. You were going to be the guardiest guard that ever guarded. You’d guard so hard he’d forget you ever accidentally nicked him.

Your fingernails picked at the seam that kept the leather of your armchair together. You found your knee bouncing every time your mind wandered to whether or not Ren would be angry. Your teeth bit sharply into your lip realising you still had no idea how bad the injury was. You needed to know, but you were just a guard, that information wouldn’t be revealed to you. Maybe you could check?

The anxiety you felt from getting caught was overweighed by your desire to know. You left the chair and walked around to the wound side of Ren. You had to be quick, Hux said he wouldn’t be asleep for long. Your shaky fingers reached out to the sheet covering Ren and cautiously pulled it down to just above his hips. Success. Next the gown. You looked up at his face to make sure he was still asleep.

“Sir? Uh… Supreme Leader Ren?” You whispered, just to double check. No response.

It seemed safe. You pinched the gown from a creased spot so you wouldn’t accidentally graze the wound and steadily dragged it up his body. Oh! You looked away. No, you had to look, he was sculpted to perfection. Stars, this was inappropriate. Focus!

Your eyes fixed themselves on the black patch that stretched from his side to just above his bellybutton. It looked about two inches thick at it’s widest. You’d really hit him good. Your fingers traced the skin just beyond the patch, even by accident, how could you do this? Your lip wobbled as your eyes grew fuzzy, unable to see through the tears that were beginning to form.

Today had been a total rollercoaster. Your emotions were all over the place. You weren’t a guard, you were just a cocktail of anxiety, concern and guilt running on adrenaline.

“I’m so, so sorry.” You cried softly covering him back up.

You ran a finger down along the inside of his hand. Your big sorrowful eyes scanned his face for any indication that he might wake up. Still dead to the world, you needed him to wake up. You had to apologise. Again. You’d apologise until he finally accepted it. You would apologise for the rest of your life if you had to, you just needed him to wake up.

You couldn’t tell how long he’d sleep for, so you decided to wait in the chair you’d claimed just before. You sat with your head in your hands, your eyes growing heavy. Lunch hadn’t even been long ago, a few hours tops, but your panicking had worn you out. Hopefully not everyday was going to be so emotional, it was exhausting being a guard.

You scooched up in the armchair and turned so you could wedge yourself between the arms with your back against one and your feet at the other. You hadn’t experienced much affection growing up in the academy or while in the First Order, but you knew how comforting Ren’s arms were and although you didn’t deserve it after what you’d done, you could really use a hug from him. You leant your side against the back of the chair and shuffled into it. Curled up into the chair, you wrapped your arm around the other and imagined the Supreme Leader was holding you again.

“SHIT!” You yelled as your foot slipped off the chair and into the air, your body sliding down the chair a little in the process. You’d fallen asleep. Kriff! You were asleep! Your hands shot towards the arms of the chair, grasping at them tightly and you checked to make sure the Supreme Leader was still safe and preferably asleep so he wouldn’t have witnessed you sleeping on the job.

“Morning.” He mumbled, seemingly amused.

“Supreme Leader Ren, are you okay?” You asked as your body autonomously left the chair and led you straight to his side. “I’m really sorry. Did I hit anything important? I mean, besides you… obviously.”

“Calm down, RN-… you need a less exhausting name than that number.” Ren said. “Where are my clothes? Get them for me.”

“Most of the other guards call me Spitfire” You replied, retrieving Ren’s clothes without question.

“Most?” He asked.

“Well, one prefers Buckethead.” You sighed and held his clothes to your chest now that your mind was fixated on that one dim-witted guard.

The Supreme Leader pushed himself up from the bed below, cringing in pain. You tried to convince him to lie back down but instead he swung his legs off the side. He couldn’t have been discharged, he still needed to be here, how could he think of leaving? Ren was stubborn, he didn’t want anyone seeing him as weak. No, you’d messed up enough and you weren’t sure if this would make things worse, but you had to try.

“No, Supreme Leader Ren, I know it’s my fault you’re here but you can’t leave until you’re discharged.” You said with your most authoritative and powerful voice, placing your hand against his chest to prevent him from continuing.

“You’re right.” He resigned. “It is your fault. Now, if you wanna fix things, you’ll get out of my way and give me my clothes.”

Well, you tried. You didn’t think it would have worked but you figured you should try. Ren slowly began to push off the bed so you placed his clothes on the bed and helped him up. At this point there was no use in fighting him so you may as well assist him. You expected him to refuse help, instead he used you to stabilise himself.

For a second, he tried to undo the ties on his gown but recoiled in pain after the painful twist. Ren turned to where you’d placed his clothes on the bed, and without warning pulled the gown from over his head, roaring through the pain. It was distressing to see Ren in agony, but also his determination was impressive, but… butt… oh!

Your eyes shot open as far as they could go. Apparently, the Supreme Leader had no shame. The delicate skin on your face deepened in colour as warmth spread across it. He knew you were there, right? Of course… so was he expecting you to look? No, he probably just didn’t care if you did. Or maybe he knew you’d be polite and turn away. A little warning would have been nice, then again you weren’t really complaining.

“I’ll just be outside” You called back toward him, after deciding to wait just outside the door. You took a deep breath to calm yourself, though maybe if you snarled at people, you could pretend the blush on your cheeks was just because you were angry.

“Is Supreme Leader Ren awake?” A doctor asked, stopping as she was on her way past.

“He is. He’s also leaving.” You informed her.

“Oh, no, we can’t let him leave, he hasn’t been discharged yet, we haven’t had a chance to look over him. Tomorrow. He can go tomorrow morning.” She said going through her notes.

“There’s no arguing with him. He’s decided. Oh, but he could use some painkillers.” You figured you may as well continue to do anything you could to help him. “Quickly though, I doubt he’ll want to linger after he’s dressed.”

The doctor saw the futility of trying to argue and marched swiftly down the hall and out of sight. It was a race to see who would win; the doctor rushing to grab some pills, or the Supreme Leader dressing at a snail’s pace. Moments passed and still neither of them had appeared. You turned to knock on the door, just to check up on Ren, but then the door opened and there he was. There was sweat on his brow from struggling to pull on his clothes despite the pain. You gave him a caring smile and mopped the beads away with your sleeve. He seemed about to speak when the doctor interrupted.

“Sorry that took me so long.” She said handing you a sealed bottle and held up a medical datapad. “I know there’s no stopping you, Supreme Leader Ren, but there are protocols… please sign this so the records show you were discharged, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to take a peek at your wound just to be sure it’s alright.

You finally noticed the belt in his hand as he shifted it to his nondominant one to take the stylus the doctor offered. You couldn’t imagine how painful his outfit would be if he had the belt wrapped around him so close to his wound. Once he was done, the doctor revealed his stomach and gave it a quick check.

“There doesn’t seem to be any signs of infection, though do keep an eye on it, also it looks like the patch has been done properly. Please get some rest, Supreme Leader Ren.” The doctor said while briefly examining him. She didn’t wait and left in the direction she’d been heading when you first saw her.

“I got you some painkillers. You don’t have to take them, but I know you’re in pain.” Your head sank remembering your guilt. You were becoming a broken record. “Supreme Leader Ren, I’m so sor-“

“Sorry. I know.” Ren said finishing your sentence. You stomach dropped. That didn’t sound like forgiveness. “You did exactly as you were told. It was a good hit, but next time I think we need to work on your restraint.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guard duty is tiring work

The Supreme Leader walked the halls at a seemingly casual pace. Only the two of you knew better. It must have been the adrenaline from the incident that let him rush to the medbay, now that he’d been patched up and the adrenaline had worn off, Ren was having trouble getting around, not that he’d show it. Every so often he needed to stop. When he did, he’d place his hand against the wall to prop himself up. You’d do the same and pretend you were talking about private matters in case anyone saw. You shooed people out of the elevators so he could lean and regain some stamina. It’d probably be bad if rumours got out that the Supreme Leader had been weakened.

You would be pulling a double shift; the pressure was on not to mess up. You’d watch over Ren for another 14 or so hours, you weren’t going to take your eye off him for a moment. That wasn’t including the bit where you were asleep… or when he got dressed… those incidents didn’t really count, so other than that. Eyes. Glued.

You followed Ren back to his private quarters and stopped just outside the open door wondering if you were supposed to enter. Normally you’d guard from the outside of his room, but this was a special circumstance. You weren’t standing there for long, Ren felt your hesitation and without turning around to face you, he beckoned you inside. The door closed behind you, sealing the two of you safely in the room.

Ren was disrobing again. Stars, how many times today was he going to be naked around you?! You turned away to give the Supreme Leader some privacy, though maybe you should be helping him since he was injured. No, he got dressed alone, and if he wanted help he should just suck it up and just ask, there were things you needed to do anyway.

Going through your datapad again, you cursed whoever it was that made the decision to only give you a small handful of contacts. You could probably message Hux and he’d relay the info to the appropriate people but that would also mean dobbing on the Supreme Leader for bailing on the medbay.

“Supreme Leader Ren, would it be possible for me to take a look at the contacts in your datapad?” You asked. “I was only given a few and there are a couple things that need to be sorted if you’re not going to be in the infirmary.”

“So, you’re my new assistant as well as my guard?” Ren inquired before pointing away. “It’s on the table.”

“If you need me to be.” You answered. You retrieved his datapad, replacing it with the painkillers since you’d need two hands, and paused. You didn’t know if he was dressed yet, you didn’t know if it was safe to turn back around.

“You’ll need me to unlock it, I’m not walking all the way over there.” He couldn’t have dressed already, the first time took much longer than this, but it sounded like he was waiting for you.

You turned around cautiously, prepared to turn away from him just in case you were getting wrong impression. He’d only taken off the top half of his clothes, though his pants were undone and the waistband was folded down to avoid touching the sensitive black patch.

Ren unlocked the device and passed it back to you. It was difficult not to be distracted by the shirtless man in front of you, but you had a job to do so you turned and wandered a few steps away to pretend it wasn’t a big deal. It kind of was though. You’d seen plenty of strong arms at the gym but that had been the most you’d ever seen of a man before today. Ren was different, he wasn’t just a pair of powerful arms, or a perfect torso with scars that only seemed to add to his allure. Sure, the thick, black waves on his head begged for fingers to be swept through, and his eyes made you melt like you were an ice cream that had been left in the sun, but a job was a job, you needed to concentrate. You could do it. You only had to last another 14ish hours.

You were doomed.

After letting Ren’s chef know his meal would need to be rerouted to his quarters and telling Hux that Ren had left the medbay but was not to be disturbed, your brain gave up remembering who else you’d planned to contact. If it was important you’d remember later. Oh! Important! You remembered the painkillers the doctor had given you. You grabbed the pills from the table, leaving both datapads behind, and moved to the Supreme Leader, rattling the bottle at him.

“You should take one… no two.” You corrected yourself after looking over the directions.

“Or I’ll take none.” He suggested. Too late. You’d already broken the seal and yeah, you had no actual authority over him, but maybe he could be convinced if you showed him you cared about his wellbeing.

“Do you need water or do you wanna take them dry?” You asked, tipping a couple of pills into your palm.

“I’m not taking them.” He declined.

Your brow furrowed, surely his pain was stronger than his pride. What rational reason could he have to refuse the painkillers, it’s not like you were asking him to drink poison. Of course! Now that he was the Supreme Leader, he probably had people that made sure his food was safe and untampered with! Who knows what the pills really were! Well, probably painkillers, but you needed to be sure.

“Good thinking, Supreme Leader Ren. You’re right, it could be poison. I’ll check.” You said, priming yourself to swallow one of the pills. Yeah, your brain hadn’t seemed to have rebooted after briefly gazing at his sculpted body.

“I didn’t say- Don’t take that!” He implored, trying to stop you from taking the pill.

“You’re right, what was I thinking?” You asked, shaking your head. “I don’t need to take a whole one to find out if it’s poison. Half will probably just make me sick. Like, a quarter dose of poison doesn’t kill? Right? You need a whole one?”

Before Ren could act, you bit into one of the pills. You shuddered and your eye twitched at the bitterness of the pill dust touching your tongue. Everything inside you made you want to spit it out but Ren was more important than you, you had to do this. The pill disappeared with a dramatic gulp. You’d done it. You’d saved the Supreme Leader… potentially.

“…Come here” Ren ordered with a sigh. You obeyed. He pulled you in close, placed his hands on either side of your face and gently squeezed your cheeks together. “Do you know what you’ve just done?”

“I… uh… I checked the pills for-“ You answered awkwardly though squished cheeks.

“You’ve jumped into a ravine again.” He said. You stared at him, your eyebrows warped with confusion. A grin stretched across Ren’s face as he pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re an idiot. You’ve been stupidly heroic and for no reason. The pills aren’t poison. I got myself out of that ravine. I don’t need saving now, I didn’t need saving then. By taking that pill, this is just the ravine all over again.”

“So, I’ll be fine then? You should take some though. That really must hurt.” You pointed at his wound as he let you go.

“I don’t need them, I just need to lie down. So will you soon.” He said pulling away from you and slowly headed further into his quarters to where his bed was located. “Those painkillers have a powerful calmative in them. You only took a bit but you’ll still probably sleep for a while.”

Ren looked back at you and saw the disappointment you felt in yourself. Sleeping on the job was a pretty bad failure. He beckoned for you to follow.

“Trust me, you’ll prefer to sleep. If it doesn’t knock you out, it’s gonna cause a lot of brain fuzz, and I’ve seen you with a fuzzy brain.” He teased referring to your recovery after the icy planet.

“Did I.. Did I say anything embarrassing?” You cringed, not really knowing if you really wanted to know.

“Absolutely.” He grinned. You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or just making fun of you. “Boots off.”

In the Supreme Leader’s quarters, you were safe from prying eyes, even though you felt terrible that you were about to fail your guard duties, at least no one would see. It all felt incredibly unprofessional but you didn’t want to disobey. You sat on the edge of the bed and undid the fastenings on your boots before kicking them off.

“Can I help you with your boots, Supreme Leader Ren? It must have killed you to put them on earlier.” You asked but he was hesitant. “Please?”

His reluctant nod seemed even more painful than his real pain. You couldn’t help but smile, though you hid it from him in case he got the wrong impression that you were laughing at him. Ren carefully lowered himself onto the bed letting you pull his boots off and then reclined on his back with his head resting on his hands. He removed his right hand from beneath his head and lazily slapped it on the vacant area upon realising you were going to need a little more encouragement.

Why not? Really, though, why not? Yeah, you were probably about to have a little snooze which would be terribly unguardy of you, but you didn’t have to worry about your superiors anymore. Ren was your only superior now and he didn’t mind, hell, he was encouraging it! You decided it was time to lower your defences. Just a little though.

You lowered yourself onto the bed delicately so it wouldn’t bounce Ren and upset his injury. You’d expected his hand to return to where it had been under his head, instead he snaked it around your shoulders to pull you into him. Your head hovered, barely touching his chest, afraid that the weight of it would be too much of an intrusion on his personal space.

“Relax.” He said moving his hand from your shoulder to your head and applying pressure. “You’re gonna do it involuntarily when you fall asleep anyway so you might as well get comfy now.”

You stopped resisting against his hand and let your head rest comfortably on his skin. Stars, was the man born on Mustafar? It was unlikely, but his skin burned so warm that you wouldn’t have been surprised if he had been. You’d attributed the warmth of his torso back on the ice planet to just being due to the fact you were so cold, now you realised the man was just a furnace. Even though the temperature was regulated on the Supremacy, you always found your fingers to run on the colder side since beginning your life in space. You could get used to this.

Maybe it was the pill starting to kick in, but you would have thought you’d be blushing like crazy and your heart would be racing in this situation. You felt calm.

Your mind began to grow fuzzy, words no longer seemed like real words anymore, you decided it was better to keep quiet rather than risk saying something that would only embarrass yourself. Then again… curiosity was growing inside you. A word had popped into your head and you couldn’t tell if it was a word that no longer sounded like a word or if it was just one you’d made up.

“Supreme… Ren?…” You sighed. “Is ‘skardle’ a word?”

“Yes.” Ren stated flatly. “It means go to sleep.”

That didn’t seem right to you but you realised you were in no condition to argue, instead you released a small noise as if to say ‘oh, so that’s what that means” and stopped fighting your eyelids as they forced themselves shut.

Ren’s strong arms pulled you in closer to his body and guided your limbs to comfier positions. He threaded your right leg over his thigh and carefully held your right hand in his left. Before you departed the realm of the conscious completely, he drew your hand up and left a gentle kiss against your middle knuckles and softly rested your hand against his heart.

*-*-*-*-*

Pushing yourself up and away from the bed you tried to make sense of your surroundings. This wasn’t your bed. Your bed didn’t typically have a half-naked man in it. You rubbed your eyes trying to gain some clarity, wiped away the drool that trailed from the corner of your mouth to your lower cheek, and then cleaned the small puddle from the bare torso you’d used as a pillow.

You climbed onto your knees and perched yourself on your heels, looking around the room to try to put the pieces together. Definitely not your room. No, this was… the Supreme Leader’s room, you remembered that much. That had to mean… Your eyes scanned the face of the man next to you. There was something about him that set off the danger alarms in your head while simultaneously providing you with great comfort and hope.

Oh kriff… You’d drooled on the Supreme Leader! You recoiled and a shocked “Bweh!” escaped from your mouth, unable to find the appropriate thing to say immediately. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at you without any visible emotions. At least that was better than anger or annoyance.

“Morning” Ren greeted you tucking both hands behind his head and looking up at you.

“Is it?” You asked, your eyes growing large.

“Uh, no…” He now realised you weren’t quite awake enough for playful sarcasm. “No, it’s only about an hour or so after dinner. I told them I wanted the meals pushed back. I wanted to wait until you were awake again. Hungry?”

A well-timed gurgle from your belly answered for you so he reached for his datapad and typed a short message to his personal chef.

While you waited for your meals to be sent up, you adjusted your armour and put your boots back on. Ren sat up with some effort and beckoned a black nanosilk robe to him with the force to cover himself up. You watched as he got up and made his way over to his long dining table, sitting at the end. It seemed like the pain was diminishing, either that or he was getting better at dealing with it.

You didn’t quite know what to say to the Supreme Leader, you just sat with him at the table shooing away the remaining sleepiness that lingered until there was a sound at the door. After excusing yourself to go and retrieve the food, you placed your meals down and sat at the chair to his right.

“So…” Ren swallowed. “Spitfire, huh?”

“That’s right, Supreme Leader Ren.” You confirmed.

“Kylo’s fine. Behind closed doors, that is.” It was no secret to you that he didn’t particularly enjoy constantly hearing his title, but the offer to use his first name had come as a shock. You stared at him like a krugga deer in headlights, your heart fluttered as you realised you might mean something to him. “Spitfire suits you, but wouldn’t you rather a normal name?”

“I… guess?” It hadn’t really occurred to you. Until recently you thought you’d be a pilot for the rest of your days and hadn’t considered your number to be out of the ordinary, it was just your place in the galaxy.

“I’ve been thinking about it.” Kylo began and placed an iced bun into your empty hands. “I think you should be called Skardle.”

“Skardle?” You whispered, your brow frowning. That word was familiar, you knew it from somewhere but couldn’t place it. Was it a name? Had it been your name before the First Order had taken you from your family?

Kylo looked at you as though you’d gone insane.

“You really are an idiot.” He grinned at you as though he’d said it affectionately instead of with a mean intent. “Skardle’s just some nonsense you said while falling asleep.”

“Oh, right…” Your face grew hot with embarrassment as you stared at the bun, passing it back and forth between your hands.

“Really though, I thought about it while you slept.” His joking tone disappeared, his dark eyes seemed to stare into your essence. Your stomach flipped as you realised he’d spent his time thinking about you. “I’m going to call you [Y/N].”

You repeated your name to yourself just to see how it sounded with your own voice. It sounded better coming from him, but then everything sounded good when spoken with his velvety deep timbre.

You had a name. For the first time in your life you felt like you could be your own person. You weren’t just a number, you weren’t another faceless pilot in the massive First Order. With this name, you were going to do great things. With your new name you were going to be remembered.

“Thank you, Kylo.” You smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight! Fight! Fight!

“You shouldn’t have taken him out of the infirmary.” Saima grumbled as her fist met the clenched muscles of your belly.

“It wasn’t my choice. Do you really think I could stop him?” You said with a slight chuckle, landing a punch against her.

Your body was tired and bruised, weapons training had been put on hiatus for a while following the incident which meant unarmed combat practice had taken its place in the schedule for almost a week now. The battering each of your bodies were receiving seemed to be taking its toll on Saima who hadn’t been her usual chirpy self for a few days now. Garric was absent from training, busy with actual guard duty, and you’d have thought that being away from him for a while may have helped lift her mood.

“It’s your job to keep him safe. It’s our job!” She dealt a blow straight to your jaw, more forceful than was necessary. Stunned and losing your balance, you fell backward and landed on your elbows. “Maybe you shouldn’t even be one of us if you’re so incompetent.”

Vail and Lexan paused their fight as Saima stormed out of the training hall. You looked from her to the remaining two guards quizzically as if to ask if they knew what the hell just happened. Lexan shrugged, Vail just pursed his lips together.

“Mind if I join the two of you?” You asked the halted duo. Lexan reached a hand down to you and helped you to your feet.

Lexan was already well practiced in fighting more than one opponent and although the group had sparred together a few times now, you were still far from confident. You were starting to get the hand of keeping up your defences even while attacking thanks to Lexan who would always manage to sneak in a swift jab whenever your guard was let down.

The three of you began slowly but soon found your rhythm and before long there was a flurry of fists and dorky grins. It felt more like goofing off than training and reminded you of the way the boys would play-fight in your earliest years at the academy. Still, even though you were having fun your skill was improving rapidly. You couldn’t help but feel bad for what Saima was missing… Garric not so much.

Speaking of…

“Not what I expected to see.” Ren’s voiced called from the entrance of the hall to your trainer who had been busying himself on his datapad at the edge of the room, unconcerned with the fight that was going on in front of him. A fist crashed into your rib as the three of you stopped to look at the man with the deep voice. Garric looked at the Supreme Leader with stars in his eyes. There was fighting. It looked fun. He wanted in. Ren motioned toward the group before heading over to your instructor. “Go on.”

Garric charged toward the three of you, readying his heavy fists. When the three of you had fought, it was like a dance that had been choreographed, Garric changed that. He had all the grace of an angry bull in a china store, focusing on power, not agility. You weren’t ready to face the wrecking ball of a man so you kept yourself away from him and focused on the other two.

As you kicked Lexan to the floor, their eyes grew wide looking just beyond you. You turned just in time to see a massive fist stop just shy of your face. Confused and scowling Garric couldn’t make sense of the invisible barrier between you. You backed away, free from his arm’s reach and looked toward the Supreme Leader. He nodded to you and you swore to yourself you wouldn’t have to rely on help from him again. You needed to prove your competence.

Ren stormed towards the group, freeing Garric from his stasis to give him enough time to react and defend himself. You watched on as the two large men went head to head with each other, finding far too much enjoyment from the fight. A smile of your own took over your face, though you tried to force it away and turned to help Lexan up off the ground.

Not to be shown up, you rejoined the fight with Vail and Lexan. Chaos ensued, grins painted on each face in the battle, forgetting this was a learning experience. You focused on the two of them, trying to avoid hitting Ren again since you’d already done enough damage to him, and a fight with Garric would have you easily overwhelmed. Darting through the torrent of fists you had an idea.

Although Garric would barely feel your fist against him, you felt certain you could cause some harm with your kick. You’d need to work on your flexibility and agility to be able to kick high enough though… unless…

You waited for the perfect moment. Ren turned to fight Vail, meeting your eyes on the way. You raised your eyebrows asking for permission and not knowing for sure if he understood your intent or if it was just him acknowledging your presence, he smirked at you. You ran toward him and in one swift movement, you hooked your arm around his elbow and rolled over his back, your foot flew high and collided with the side of Garric’s head.

Your dismount from Ren’s back was awkward as you slid clumsy down his back, but you were proud of yourself. The oaf stumbled, visibly shook. That was karma for telling the General it wasn’t an accident during weapons training! After your achievement it seemed like a good time to call the fight.

“Garric, go get that patched up.” The Supreme Leader dismissed the slightly bleeding man. He scanned the room finally realising Saima was missing. “Where’s the other one. Why isn’t she training?”

“She was. She just had something important she needed to do.” You said, offering up an excuse believing that she shouldn’t be punished just for having an off day.

“Alright, well, [Y/N], you can escort me until we find her. She’s on duty next and will have to start a little earlier than scheduled now that you’ve put Garric out of commission for now.” He motioned to the two guards behind you. “You pair can take the rest of the day for yourselves if you want.”

You followed Ren out of the hall and through the corridors. Saima was most likely in her quarters so the two of you set off in that direction.

“Your skill is improving, [Y/N], you’ve been working hard.” He said giving you a restrained smile.

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” You beamed up at him. You felt like you had a lot to prove and every small bit of recognition he gave you set off the butterflies in your belly.

“You know, I don’t see anyone around… do you?” He asked. You hadn’t been alone with Kylo much since he’d given you permission to use his name so you were still not used to using it

“Oh… Thank you, Kylo.” You spoke towards your feet; a big grin stretched your cheeks.

“Any plans for the rest of the day?” He asked.

“Not yet, though maybe I’ll go practice with my blaster” You answered. You weren’t on duty for the rest of the day and you secretly hoped that he’d invite you to spend the time with him though you didn’t even know what his plans included. Unsure whether or not you were allowed to ask, you figured there was no harm in checking. “What about you, Sir? Uhh… Kylo… sorry, that’s hard to get used to.”

“Meetings. Boring stuff with Hux. I might get him to find a new trainer for your unarmed combat, that one seemed more interested in the women on his datapad than teaching you and the other guards.” He paused for a moment to consider an idea that had just popped into his mind. “I might get Hux to teach you.”

“Hux?!” You gawked at Kylo as though he’d gone insane. He chuckled at your reaction.

“I know. He’s a skinny and tired man but he’s actually a pretty skilled fighter. Good with a blaster too if I ever need to replace that trainer too.” He explained, the confusion still apparent on your face. “He’s got an interesting past, I’ll give you the details some time.”

The conversation came to an end earlier than you’d hoped but you were now outside Saima’s door so your time with Ren was at an end. You waited for her to open the door to confirm she was there instead of leaving Kylo guardless.

She didn’t seem pleased to see you, her face falling at the sight of you. Maybe you’d invite her out for a couple drinks after her shift was over so you could help her vent about whatever was actually bothering her.

“[Y/N].” Ren nodded towards you, giving you permission to leave.

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” You replied and wandered off in no particular direction.

You found yourself overlooking the hanger that your TIE Silencer was being built. It looked ready from this distance though there were still people working on it. You couldn’t wait to get behind the controls, it had been so long since you’d last flown. You hadn’t gone this long without flying since you’d become a pilot. You missed it. Flying was the one thing you were perfectly confident in doing. Sure, your skills had definitely improved in ever other aspect of being a guard, but you couldn’t wait to finally show the group how well you could fly.

After spending your afternoon and evening at the shooting range you made your way to the mess hall to join your fellow guards. Saima was still on duty somewhere else with Ren but the other three were present. Even though you had the authority to cut in line to get your food, you decided to be patient, and without having to wait for too long you sat with the rest of the guards with your meal.

The four of you exchanged small talk and discussed how everyone’s day had played out. Lexan slept due to having the nightshift, Vail had busied himself in the archives, and Garric who now seemed to be on his second tray of food had spent much of the day waiting for his injury to be seen to. He wore a small plaster on his forehead and did not appear to be overly fond of your presence. The memory of Ren telling you this hulk of a man fancied you pushed itself to the front of your mind. You hadn’t believed it then, you definitely didn’t believe it now, not with the way he was scowling at you.

“What? Everyone was fighting, you can’t resent me for that!” You said gesturing towards his tiny healing cut.

“You take things too far!” Garric shouted. “First you gut the Supreme Leader, now you make me bleed!?”

“Garric!” Vail shushed him. Every member of the First Order didn’t need to know about the weapons incident.

“First, that was an accident and he’s fine now.” You snapped. “Second, that’s barely a wound! And third… maybe that’s what you get for telling Hux that it wasn’t an accident!”

Garric’s head tilted to the side as though you’d said something that declared your insanity. Lexan and Vail stole an awkward glance at each other.

“You think I said that?” Garric asked.

“Well, someone did and you fit the profile. You’ve been a dick since we met!” You scoffed.

“Hux asked us privately. We never talked about who it was when Hux told us one of us said that. Maybe Hux was just trying to start shit! Maybe it was one of those two!” He pointed towards Vail and Lexan. “I know it wasn’t me. Obviously, someone who doesn’t want you to be a guard said it and if you weren’t a guard how would I get with you then?”

“You. Could. Never!” You barked, recoiling in disgust.

You didn’t give him the chance to reply, instead you grabbed your tray, deciding to take it back to your quarters to eat even though your appetite was disappearing the more you thought about the idea.

*-*-*-*-*

Booorrrrrrreeedddddd…

-Supreme Leader Ren

You stared at the message unsure of what to do.

Is there any way I can assist, Supreme Leader?

-[Y/N] of the Ren’s Guard

Oh neat, your signature got changed. The surprise you felt quickly dissipated, replaced with nerves when you started to consider the possibility that he might think you were flirting.

Come to my quarters.

-Supreme Leader Ren

You rushed to your refresher to check on your appearance but caught your self in the middle of trying to smooth away the frizz in your hair that had accumulated after a long day. Grooming yourself, you scoffed, you were being ridiculous. You set off on the short journey to Ren’s quarters meeting Saima as she stood guard outside his door. The tension between you was still strained. Before entering you extended an offer to get drinks later and offered to be there if she needed to get anything off her chest.

Her head fell slightly. Looking back up at you she finally agreed and apologised for her mood. You told her she didn’t need to worry about it as you stepped through the door.

“Over here, [Y/N].” Kylo called from a couch, datapad in hand.

“If you no longer need me I’ll be off then.” You jumped as Hux strode past you. You hadn’t noticed him there. Oh, that’s probably bad. You should probably be more aware of your surroundings. What if Hux had been a threat. You bit your cheek vowing to be more perceptive in the future.

Kylo seemed too busy with whatever was on his datapad to acknowledge Hux’s exit but began to pat the cushion next to him impatiently. You moved swiftly to sit next to him not wanting him to grow impatient.

“The Silencers are nearly finished so I’m going through some records and files that’ll give us more information about our first mission.” He spoke into his device before locking eyes with you. “Well, first with the guard… after they prove their competence in flying though.”

“You don’t know if they can fly?” You asked.

“They can, but I dunno where their skill level is at. Who knows how they’ll go in a Silencer. Hell, you’ve never flown one, you could suck.” He taunted with a playful smirk.

“I can fly anything!” You pretended to be offended but then posed proudly.

“Oh yeah? Best pilot in the First Order, I bet.”

“You’re thinking too small, Kylo. Best in the galaxy.” You raised your eyebrow at him confidently.

“That so? We’ll race then. As soon as the Silencers are done.” He said excitedly, placing a hand on your knee. Your stomach flittered at the unexpected contact. Oh stars, had you been flirting? So inappropriate, but then, things did tend to delve into the realm of unprofessionalism when the two of you were alone. You realised your cheeks were starting to grow warm. You weren’t sure how this always happened but you didn’t want it to stop.

“For now though… lemme send you some of these…” Kylo pulled away. Damn. Your datapad pinged alerting you to the files it received and you averted your eyes from him.

“Orto Plutonia…? Knights of Ren…?” You scanned through the reports and looked up at him. “Are we gonna be looking for your Knights, Sir?”

“We’ve found some leads that might be just what we need to find out what happened to them. They were searching for some sith relics that my grandfather was after but never found. If we’re really lucky we’ll find the Knights and the relics, if not, hopefully we’ll find another lead.” Kylo explained as he continued to send more reports; bios of each of his Knights.

“So, it’s a rescue mission and a treasure hunt?” Your face lit up.

“Something like that.” He smiled, loving the way your eyes sparkled when you got excited. “First though, I need help going through all this otherwise I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“Pretty sure it was lost long ago.” You teased.

Kylo didn’t reply, instead he shifted on his cushion so he was leaning on the arm rest with his body facing you slightly. Before you could look up at him to see if he’d found something the retort with his arms hooked under yours and dragged you closer. He gently twisted you so you were facing the same direction as him and pulled you in so you rested against him.

You moved your legs so one foot was planted on the floor and the other dangled off the couch not wanting to get your boots on the furniture. You shifted your butt back a little to make sure you’d be comfortable, you didn’t want to sit there uncomfortably, debating with yourself on whether or not you should move to get comfy later. Kylo’s arm reached between you and the back of the couch to wrap gently around your belly and he met it with the hand holding his datapad so he could read from over your shoulder.

Your heart threatened to burst out of your chest and you tried to restrict your goofy love-stricken smile to the side of your face he wouldn’t be able to see.

“You’re not fooling anyone.” Kylo said as he tapped his datapad. Your stomach sank as you recognised the reflections of your faces in the dark screen. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly, if you couldn’t see it, it didn’t happen. He gently headbutted the side of your head with his. “Dork.”


	10. Chapter 10

Your nose ran and your eyes leaked, stinging as you downed whatever was in the shot glass that the droid attending the cantina had placed in front of you. It was painful but it was definitely doing the trick.

“No harm done,” Saima nudged you, her faced was flushed from the alcohol. “Well, some harm done… yaknow… his belly and all… but we’re good.”

Saima’s spirits had definitely lifted, giggling as she called over the droid for another round. You hadn’t managed to go for drinks the night you’d offered, it was a few nights later and together you celebrated with the guards.

The TIE Silencers had finally been finished and Ren had taken the five of you out to practice. Completely in your element for the first time in what felt like forever, you flew circles around everyone except the Supreme Leader himself. The other four had proven they were competent and the mission you were helping Ren plan would go ahead in just a few days.

Vail had been keeping an eye on the time and had been nursing the same whiskey since the night started. He was next on Ren duty and couldn’t let himself get impaired by alcohol. After a while, without saying much to the group, he disappeared to relieve Garric and before long the large ape of a man took his place.

“Garrrrrriiiiiic…” Lexan taunted tunefully. “Where’s my 50 credits? [Y/N] flew circles around you! Pay up!”

“I didn’t agree to that!” Garric pointed playfully at Lexan. “But, sure, this round’s on me.”

Garric planted himself on the other side of Saima and you excused yourself to go search through the options on the jukebox.

“Rubbish… trash… garbage… that’s not a bad one…” You said slouching against the machine. “Junk… rubbish… rubbish…”

“Yeah, they really needta update the selection.” Lexan joined you. “I mean, were these ever good?! That’s crap… that’s crap… that one’s crap too… Oh! Oh, ohhhhh… this one!”

The music suddenly changed as Lexan switched songs on the jukebox and danced away from it toward the middle of the room. The song was corny and dated. You decided it had to be one of the classics that people enjoyed simply because it was so bad, or because people originally liked it ironically and had just accidentally begun to really like it.

Lexan beckoned for you to join them and without inhibitions, you danced your way over making a quick detour to pick up the drinks Garric had ordered for the two of you. The song was about two lovers that had to keep their love a secret and with Lexan you both played out the lyrics dramatically in dance.

As the song ended, Lexan’s eyes grew huge looking past you, mouth open in the biggest smile.

“Don’t look! Don’t look! Don’t look!” Lexan pointed not so subtly behind you. “Don’t look! Why aren’t you looking?! …It’s the lovers! …From the song! …Don’t look!”

You tried to be subtle as you glanced behind you. Garric and Saima were huddled close to each other, completely oblivious to the fact that Lexan was grinning at them and your jaw hung low in disgust.

“Oh, no, no, no, nononononoooo.” You shook your head and looked away. “Neeeeewwwwwwwp! NUP! Nah! Nuh… NO! Those two?! Lexan, that’s messed up. Don’t even joke. She can do better!”

You grabbed Lexan by the shoulders and tried to shake some sense into them. Looking back at the two huddled together you began to see what Lexan was seeing. Was Garric blushing?! No, it had to be the alcohol starting to take effect. Did Saima just whisper into his ear?!

“I’m gonna get to the bottom of this!” You declared and downed the rest of your drink.

Engaging your super stealth mode, you ducked and weaved through the tables and other patrons until you could see Saima’s face. How was she smiling through this creep’s advances? Her eyebrows kept rising as she spoke to him as though she was encouraging this!

It had to be the alcohol. She’d had too much and Garric knew it. You started making hand signals to Lexan. Lexan only squinted and shook their head confused. It may have been wise to have come up with signals beforehand…

You clumsily stealthed your way back to Lexan to share the bad news.

“Nasty…” Lexan gasped. “But the heart wants what the heart wants.”

“Oh, no, we gotta stop this!” You commanded. You weren’t going to let something so disgusting happen on your ship… not that it was your ship, but the sentiment was still there.

“Well, we’ll have to act fast then.”

Saima and Garric had peeled away from the bar and were making a wobbly line for the door.

“SAIMA!” You screeched. “Not with him! You’re drunk. Sober Saima will thank me in the morning.”

The two of them stopped to look at you as you rushed over to them, dragging Lexan behind you. Neither of them looked pleased and this was to be anticipated, you were ready to list off all the reasons why she shouldn’t leave with him and had prepared yourself for every excuse. You never expected what had actually come out from her mouth.

“Sober Saima won’t thank you.” She rolled her eyes at you. “Drunk Saima isn’t going to do anything Sober Saima has already done.”

With that, the two of them left the cantina, leaving you stunned and a little nauseous… though that might have also been because of how much you’d had to drink.

“I thought she liked the Supreme Leader!” You stated a little too loudly as you and Lexan claimed a table and ordered another round.

“Psh, well, yeah, probably, but think about it. The Supreme Leader could have anyone, so why go for Saima.” Lexan explained. “Not that there’s anything wrong with Saima, she’s lovely, but c’mon! He’s force sensitive, he’ll probably go for someone force sensitive, and then they’ll create little force sensitive babies who will inevitably kill him and become the new Supreme Leader, thus, starting the cycle all over again.”

Lexan’s eyes closed as though poetry had just flowed from their mouth. You felt like they’d made a point though. Ren could be with anyone. You weren’t together, at least, you didn’t think so. He’d never placed a label on whatever was happening between you and it was beginning to worry you. Were you just a distraction until someone more appropriate came along?

If you could just tell Lexan about everything that had been happening, maybe you could get some advice, but it was obvious that Ren wanted this to be a secret. You couldn’t even use his name in front of other people, there was no chance he’d want you talking to someone he didn’t trust.

Wait. Trust. Ren’s trust. How had you not thought of this sooner?!

“LEXAN, YOU GENIUS!” You shouted and fled the room.

“I know!” You heard Lexan call out from a distance.

You ran as fast as your alcohol fuelled legs could carry you through mostly empty corridors. The halls had been pretty much abandoned at this hour. The route you took led you past Vail guarding outside Ren’s room. You reached out for a high five as you passed. He was obviously not feeling as pumped as you were and just watched you whizz by instead. You weren’t going to be left hanging though. You turned back to pass him again to make sure you got the high five. He wasn’t going for it so you stopped and lifted his hand to yours so you could slap palms together.

You continued charging the halls until you came to a room you’d never visited before and slammed your fists against the door.

“HUX! HUUUUUX! C’MON OUT HERE, YOU COWARD!” You wailed, continuing to pound on the door to prove you’d annoy him until you got your way.

“Coward?” The tired-eyed man asked, clearly a little offended.

You barged past him into his quarters and perched yourself on the arm of his sofa with your boots resting on the cushion.

“Hux, you guys are pals right? Like, not good pals obviously, I’m pretty sure you want him dead or whatever, but like, you guys, you trust each other, right?” You asked. He clearly wasn’t following you. “I’m talking about Kylo, dummy.”

Hux seemed a little stirred by your unexpected visit. He began to gather the files he’d been working through, motioned for you to sit down properly and get your damned shoes off his furniture, and took a seat at the other end of the sofa.

“Is there something you need to get off your chest, RN-1799?” His eyes were calculating and it took you by surprise to be referred to by your old number again now that everyone else had been getting used to your new name.

“Sooo…” You searched your fuzzy brain for what you wanted to say. “You probably know Ky- uhhh… The Supreme Leader… better than anyone else, right? So romantically…”

You paused trying to gather your thoughts together, the poorly timed break giving Hux the wrong impression. This head recoiled at what he thought was you implying there was something between the two of them.

“What’s Ren’s type?” You asked. “The girls he goes for… Lexan thinks he’d go for someone force sensitive, and that makes sense, but would he ever go for someone more… normal?”

“There was the scavenger. I’m not sure if it was romance but he definitely had complicated feelings for her. If you ask me, I think he just saw a certain side of himself in her that he was struggling with internally.” Hux spoke with ease, as though he’d thought a lot on the topic, and he probably had, searching for a way to use it against Ren. Then he stopped, his face turned to yours and he looked you in the eye properly for the first time since you’d barged in. His lips twisted into a smirk. “Oh, RN-1799…? Surely not?”

You stared blankly at the General as he peeled away from the chair, returning after fetching two glasses of whiskey. He pushed a glass into your hands and you took it without question. Had you been a little more sober you may have realised he was only trying to guarantee your thoughts flowed freely so that he might fish out anything he could use in the future.

“Have you got a crush on Ren?” Hux practically sang. This was juicy. There was some way he’d be able to use this information, if not against Ren, then definitely against you if the two of you ever found yourselves on opposites sides of the war.

“Duh.” You rolled your eyes at him and began to waggle a finger at him. “He knows that already though, so don’t get any ideas!”

“So, you’re asking for my advice?” His face sank realising it wasn’t going to be as good ammunition as he’d hoped. “You want to know if he’d ever choose to be with someone like you?”

You nodded and took a swig from the glass. As you did, Hux’s hand reached out to tilt the glass further, encouraging you to finish the glass and poured you another. You’d lost count of how many drinks you’d had tonight and felt like you were probably at your limit… still, you didn’t want to be rude and Hux was lending a sympathetic ear and maybe even giving advice.

“You, a guard, previously just another number among many in the First Order, want to know if Ren would pick you?” He disappeared through a door as he spoke to you and returned with a bucket and gently continued “… for if you begin to feel too nauseous.”

You nodded, getting a little annoyed that he was dancing around the question. You finished the glass and leant over to put it on the coffee table to indicate to him you were done drinking, only to find him placing his own glass in your hands. Confused, you accepted it.

“You’re asking if The Supreme Leader, the son of royalty, would be interested in a soldier, the daughter of nobodies?” His face was smug as he assisted your hand in bringing the glass to your lips.

“Hux! Stop!” You dropped the glass from your fingers refusing to take a single drop in. It splashed down your armour and soaked into the sofa. “I get it. If anyone gets it, it’s me that gets it! I like him. Like, lots. Lots and so, so much… and he just makes it worse. He’s so warm and his arms are crazy strong. Just, like, the best hugs, y’know? And my guts go wobbly around him, speshly that time he kissed on my face…”

Your belly fluttered just thinking about that time in the gym where his lips had touched your face, and then the vaguest memory of them against your fingers as you fell asleep against him ghosted through your thoughts. If anything, just remembering those moments made your tummy tumble harder than when it had actually happened… unless… nope it was the alcohol.

You raised a finger toward Hux and turned leant over the arm of the chair to expel some of what you’d drunk that night. It seemed to help a little and the look of disgust on Hux’s face made you feel better about coming to see him, which had apparently turned out to be not such a great idea after all… who knew?

“So, Ren’s been amorous with you, RN-1799?” He seemed too amused as he typed into his datapad.

“HUX! It’s spose’d to be a secret!” You squeaked raising your hand into the air and slapping the device from his hands.

The General got up and picked up the datapad from where it had landed a few feet away. You slunk down onto the sofa, lying on the whiskey-dampened cushion, unable to care, you just needed to close your eyes for two seconds. Three at most.

When you opened your eyes again Vail was staring at you, walking silently behind you down the abandoned corridor… but you weren’t walking, and you weren’t normally this tall. You pushed yourself up realising you were being carried over someone’s shoulder. But who’s shoulder? You twisted to see the back of your transport’s head. You recognised those dark waves. You tussled the black hair playfully and let out a happy “aww!” in appreciation for the ride.

Vail remained outside as Kylo carried you into his quarters. First stop, the refresher. You sat at the base of the toilet trying to convince him you didn’t need to puke, though, you were equally trying to convince yourself too. You probably should have just stuck to the one type of drink, the mixture of them combined tasted sharp and sweet.

“Ugh, yuuuuck,” you groaned flushing the toilet finally confident you had nothing left inside you. Once you’d washed the taste from your mouth Kylo helped you out of the bathroom.

Kylo led you to his bed where you sat on the edge and fell backward sleepily. His strong arms pulled your leg up and began to undo the fastenings on your boots.

“Nooo…” You whimpered, trying to pull your foot away. “I can do it myself.”

He didn’t let go. Not even after you gave him your biggest pout. How could that not work? He couldn’t do both boots at once though! You bent your knee towards your body and reached for the free boot, undoing it with large, clumsy movements. Half way through, you decided it was a race, but by then he was already pulling the first boot off and moved on to help you with the one you claimed. Whatever, you didn’t really care about winning anyway.

Kylo left you as he moved to his drawers. You realised your back was a little cold. Touching it, it was wet. You slid off the bed, not wanting to make his sheets damp and waited for him on the ground. When he returned to you, he placed the clothes on the bed and helped you up.

It took him a moment to figure out the hidden zippers and fastenings on your armour, but soon he was helping you out of your whiskey-drenched clothes in silence. In fact, he really hadn’t said anything since he’d retrieved you from Hux’s quarters.

“Are you mad at me?” You whispered sadly into his hands as they undid the tiny buttons and zipper at your neck.

He didn’t answer as he moved onto the fastenings at your collarbone and slowly undid the zipper that descended from there to your hip, revealing a slither of belly and bra. Kylo still hadn’t answered as he began to peel your armour away from your shoulders.

Well, if he could be mad, you could be mad about him being mad! You pushed him away. Maybe if you’d been sober, he might have actually budged a little but as it turned out, your sloppy drunk movements were not enough to move him.

“Angry people don’t get to undress me… except for me when I’m angry… I’m allowed still.” You huffed. You grabbed the clothes he’d retrieved for you and wobbled back to the refresher. “I have to pee anyway!”

Once you had changed you noticed yourself in the mirror. Not just standing there groggily swaying but standing there in Ren’s clothes. Maybe you were biased, but you couldn’t help but think the look suited you. He’d given you his buttoned-up pyjama top and it absolutely swamped you. You hadn’t liked the idea of wearing a shirt with buttons to bed, always having worn a simple t-shirt to bed ever since you left the academy, but this one was so roomy.

You could get used to this. “Mrs Supreme Leader” you giggled to yourself, feeling your skin blush. Your stomach sank, you knew if you left the room the fantasy would end, in here you could pretend to be his. Maybe you’d spent the day by his side, seeing to important matters and doing childish things to make Hux angry. After a long day, you ate dinner together like every other day but it was far from mundane, every moment you spent with Kylo felt like a dream. Now you were readying for bed where you’d spend the night safely in his arms.

Except you weren’t. You snapped out of your sweet little daydream and once you were finished in the refresher, you unstably wondered over to where you’d left Kylo but he was gone now.

Ren re-entered the room with a glass and a cloth. He handed you the glass and placed the cloth on the bedside table.

“What is it? You asked.

“Just water.” He answered. “You’re dehydrated.”

As you sipped from the glass, the cool water being more refreshing than anything you’d ever drunk, Kylo began to fold the sleeves of the oversized pyjama shirt up to reveal your forearms, freeing your hands and making you feel a little cooler. The alcohol made you feel hot… though all the blushing you’d been doing probably wasn’t helping that either.

Kylo took the empty glass from you and placed it on the bedside table so he could help you climb into bed. Once you were settled, he picked up the glass and disappeared out of the bedroom again. When he came back it was full again.

“Just in case you wake up thirsty in the night.” Kylo explained and left the glass on the table.

He removed the cloth from the bedside table and walked around the bed to the side he’d be sleeping on. You looked at where the cloth had been lying. The surface looked wet. After running your fingers over the area your suspicions were proven to be correct. Yup. Wet.

“Ah! Wet!” You squeaked as a cold wetness pressed against your forehead.

Kylo guided the cloth over your closed eyes and up to your hairline. You hadn’t realised just how sore and tired your eyes were until the cool, damp material grazed over them, easing them of their discomfort. It was so soothing. You relaxed into the pillow, growing drowsier.

“I’m not jealous of the hangover you’re gonna have tomorrow.” Kylo cooed softly.

“Ohhhh noooo…” You whimpered.

You raised a hand up to stop the cloth from covering your eyes so you could look at Kylo. If he was mad before, he wasn’t anymore, either that or he hid it well. Instead, you looked up at a gentle smile. Those rosy lips were always perfect, you wanted to kiss them just to see if they felt as good as they looked but you knew sober you would resent you since you might not even remember it.

Instead, you rolled over onto your belly and lifted yourself up onto your knees. You removed the damp cloth from his hand and traced it over his forehead instead, hoping he’d be able to tell just how much you appreciated him doing it for you.

As you dusted the cloth over his skin, your eyes fell to the small mole on his neck that had caused you so much anxiety not so long ago. You climbed carefully to sit over his belly so you could get a closer look. Your finger traced over the tiny mark and your cheeks flushed. Kylo’s eyes studied your face carefully.

“I just really like it.” You whispered.

“This one too…” You continued as your finger travelled down to another mole lower down on his neck. Your eyes scanned upward to another mark on his cheek. “And this one…”

There were too many little dots for just one finger to cover so you abandoned the cloth and skittered your fingers over as many as you could manage without tracing over any twice.

“I like them all.” You sighed gently. Your fingers found their way back to the first mole. “Especially this one, though.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed and for a second you worried you’d crossed a line. Instead, his arms wrapped around you and dragged you down so you were flush against him. You nuzzled your face tenderly against his neck until you realised the mole was right at your eyeline. You lurched upward so your lips once again found the mole.

You didn’t feel any of the fear or guilt that followed the first time you kissed the mole, you were still too drunk for that. Your lips tingled, you remembered how good his skin felt when pressed against them. You could just pepper Kylo in kisses. As many kisses as he had moles. Probably more. You decided that was a task better suited to sober you… Sober you now owed you big time.

You slid down so you could rest your head against his chest. You wanted to fall asleep right there, and he wasn’t objecting. It took you a moment to organise where you wanted to lay your arms while you slept and eventually decided having one over his shoulder and the other resting next to his belly worked best.

“Also…” You whispered, snuggling into him until you were perfectly comfortable. “…Your hair is really pretty too.”

Kylo let out an amused huff and wrapped his arms around you tighter.

“Shut up. You’re drunk.”


	11. Chapter 11

Stars, you felt like death. You uniform reeked of whiskey, alcohol was the last stench you wanted to invade your nostrils, so you made your way to your quarters for a shower and a change of clothes.

Kylo hadn’t been in his quarters when you’d woken up, you hoped no one had seen you in there, on his bed, in his clothes. Rumours would spread and that wasn’t something you wanted to deal with right now. There were already a few rumours spreading that one of the new guards had tried to assassinate Ren with a blade, and if the new rumours weren’t about being in a relationship, they’d probably chalk it up to another attempt at his life somehow.

No, it was better no one knew. Though, Saima probably knew about your feelings for him but she was with Garric now, a disturbing thought but it meant she probably wouldn’t care about your crush. Vail was also impressively observant, and might know about your feelings, but also tight-lipped which was the leading reason why he was recruited. You could trust him not to divulge that information. Lexan was quickly becoming your best friend and wouldn’t blab and you were positive Garric was probably too stupid to figure it out.

Hux though. Kriff! What were you thinking last night?! As you stood under the warm water hoping it would bring you back from the realm of the undead, you tried to remember exactly what you’d said to the ginger man. You’d drunk way past your limit and you were well aware that he’d been trying to coax anything incriminating that was stowed away in your brain but the rest were brief snapshots, not whole memories.

Hux was a coward? Probably true, you laughed under your breath. Glass after glass of whiskey, though you were more than likely remembering the exact number wrong. A bucket… and a need for it… oh hells, hopefully you’d had good aim… though if not, it was only Hux’s quarters. One thing couldn’t be mistaken, you’d definitely made him aware of your feelings for the Supreme Leader.

You groaned and placed your face against the cool wall of the shower as you lazily scrubbed yourself. You’d figure out some sort of damage control later, right now you just wanted to appreciate the different temperatures of the warm water and cold tiles.

Still feeling like you’d been run over by a herd of bantha, you made your way to the closest medbay in a fresh uniform that didn’t smell like a cantina. There they set you up with some electrolytes to make sure you were properly hydrated and eventually sent you on your way again with some pain killers to take the edge off. You had Ren duty later and you needed to be alert.

Ren duty wasn’t for a while yet so you decided to return to your quarters for a nap. Waiting outside your door was Garric. You rolled your eyes, he was the last person you wanted to see, Hux being the second last because then at least you could try and get some answers out of him.

“Where were you last night? You didn’t sleep in your room.” Garric confronted you.

“Why do you care where I sleep… and how would you even know?” What did it matter to him where you were, you figured he would’ve been distracted with Saima.

“You didn’t pass out at the cantina. We checked.”

“We?” You asked.

“Me. Me checked… I checked. Lexan said you left after we did and Vail hasn’t said anything. You notice he does that? Why’s he gotta act all mystery-ous.” The word got away from him.

“Mysterious.” You corrected the oaf.

“I said that.” He defended. “Anyway, we gotta go guard someone.”

“Yup. That’s our job, buddy.” You said condescendingly, you weren’t in any sort of mood to pretend to be nice. “Say it with me now ‘Supreme Leader Kylo Ren’. Anyway, I’m not scheduled for Ren duty yet.”

“Don’t be such a cunt.” Garric grabbed your arm and began to drag you away from your quarters. “It’s not for Ren duty. You’re not even scheduled for that anymore. There’s someone else.”

Garric led you to the holding cells where the most important and dangerous captives of the First Order were kept. He explained that the girl in the cell was ex-FO, and now sharing secrets to the Resistance. With him, you were to keep an eye on her until you were relieved by two of the other guards, but that wouldn’t be for a long time, you’d be pulling a double shift at the very least.

She didn’t look like much. Her limbs seemed a little long for her body and you didn’t think she had the look of someone who was in the First Order, though she’d probably relaxed her appearance now that she was with the Resistance… they were all pretty scruffy. You weren’t permitted to talk to her either. It was a shame. It meant you really only had Garric to talk to as well as any passing guards doing their rounds but they never once stopped to talk.

You wished you’d woken up a little sooner. Had you been awake while Kylo was still there, there was no doubt he would have told you exactly what was going on… maybe not the full details, but you’d at least have known your day had been rescheduled. Because you were in the dark about this, Garric decided he was in charge. He was the one who was allowed to disappear to get things the two of you needed, you had to stay behind and watch the girl.

He wasn’t completely unreasonable though. He knew you were still recovering from a hangover and had brought you water and more electrolytes, he also brought you a caff every so often because this was boring work and you needed to stay alert. You were also permitted to use the bathroom, which you abused frequently due to all the liquids you were ingesting.

Guard duty had started out pretty quiet. You didn’t have much to say to Garric, especially after he called you that, but after a couple hours of quiet monotony you eventually began to talk. He revealed he and Saima had started something between them not long after you’d all been recruited into the Ren’s Guard, and they’d been an official item for a week now.

The way he spoke of Saima was actually somewhat sweet, coming from an oaf like him at least, though you could have done without some of the more intimate details he shared about what they got up to off duty.

“Sorry I’ve been calling you a buckethead… also for when I said you were a cunt before.” He apologised, unable to look you in the eyes. He actually seemed genuinely remorseful.

“I’m pretty used to ‘buckethead’, most pilots and troopers get over it after a while. Didn’t expect to be called that though.” You gave him a half smile and avoided saying it yourself. “Sorry for being a dick earlier.”

“Nah, it’s fine. You’re hungover. I can be an arsehole when I’m hungover.”

“Only when hungover?” You asked cheekily.

“Oi!” He warned, pointing at you. His features softened, he wasn’t really mad. Although you were starting to get used to being around him, you were quickly becoming uncomfortable with the way he was looking at you. There was something about it that reminded you of the way he’d been looking at Saima last night. You had to change mood.

“So… besides being a traitor, what do we know about her.” You asked nodding to the girl you were guarding.

“Nothing really. Not our place.” He paused to look at you, noticing a change in your face as you couldn’t help but think that maybe Ren would have given you a few details. “Why? You reckon the Supreme Leader woulda told you something he wouldn’t tell me?”

You quickly spluttered out a ‘no!’ hoping he wouldn’t suspect anything between you and Ren, and the two of you continued to guard in silence.

More hours passed, by now you would’ve started guarding Kylo if the plan hadn’t changed, Saima was taking your shift, and you and Garric were back to speaking to each other.

You’d apologised for kicking him in the face. He admitted he was more in shock than angry, it had actually been pretty cool. He gave you a few tips for fighting larger foes. What Kylo had taught you was invaluable, and even though he was large himself, Garric was even bigger and very aware of his weak points. He told you the importance of agility, and despite being thankful for his help, you could have done without him touching you to show you how to manoeuvre.

The conversation eventually drifted to weapons training. You didn’t want to talk about the incident but Garric’s words were still on your mind.

“Were you really not the one to tell Hux that the incident wasn’t an accident?” You asked, remembering how he’d denied it in the mess hall.

“No!” He seemed hurt to hear you didn’t trust him. “Look, I know things were rough between us, but I don’t want you kicked from the guard… or worse.”

“It’s alright if you did,” you tried to coax the truth from his lips. “I promise I’m not mad about it. No harm came from it, we’re all still here, so I’d forgive you if it was you.”

“I swear. I dunno who it was.”

Damnit, there was no way he was this good at lying. Your guts churned as you realised it had been one of the others. Saima would have had a better shot with Kylo with you out of the way, but Garric had already mentioned they were already sort of together at that point. Vail was sneaky though, what if he was secretly gathering information to use against you, all of you, eliminating each of you in some way or another until he had a clear chance at taking down the Supreme Leader? No, that’s probably giving him too much credit, and he never seemed disloyal. And Lexan… nah, Lexan was just a delight, they’d never betray you.

It left one last possibility. Hux. Garric had said that he thought there was a possibility that the ginger was just lying. It made sense. Create doubt between the guard and while you were disorganised, he’d have the perfect shot at Kylo. Oh ho! Nice try, General!

“Hux…” you muttered. “Garric… I think you were right?”

The confusion on your face was mirrored on his. It looked painful for him to have his brain working so hard, the poor thing. Soon his face contorted and shifted into a proud smile. The big dummy wasn’t so bad after all.

After a moment you began to wonder what you’d be doing if you were still on Ren duty. You knew he’d be working to make sure the plans to look for the Knights went well and speculated about whether you’d guard outside like you were supposed to or if he’d invite you in to help again. Would he have wrapped his arms around you again? No, Hux might be there helping him… but what if he wasn’t? What if this would have been the day you finally kissed. Properly kissed too, not just one of your mouths touching a neck, cheek, or fingers. Actual lips on lips.

No, for that to be the case, Kylo wouldn’t have sent you down to guard this traitor with Garric. What was the point in you being the one to do this though? If Saima was free to guard Ren, surely, she’d be free to be here with Garric. They’d probably enjoy the time alone. Oh. Ew. That’s probably what it was. They’d probably get distracted by each other and not keep an eye on the prisoner. Still, even if the two guards were an item, jealousy squirmed inside your stomach that she was with Kylo.

“Does it bother you?” You asked Garric. Clearly from his questioning face, he couldn’t read your mind. “Saima’s crush on Supreme Leader Ren…”

It was an uncomfortable topic for both of you and you regretted even bringing it up. You didn’t even know if he was aware of Saima’s feelings for Kylo… maybe she was over it already. Garric frowned and began to nod.

“She talks about him a lot. Worse is she disappears a lot too. I think she sees him in private. I wanna follow her but if that’s where she’s going then Ren’s gonna be there and he’ll sense me or whatever he does…” He began to trail off and you regretted even more mentioning anything but you couldn’t help but press on.

“… Do you think he likes her?” You’d already heard Lexan’s opinion but the more you thought about it, the more insecure you became.

“No doubt.” Neither of you were happy with the answer.

“Lexan said Ren wouldn’t go for anyone who wasn’t force sensitive.” You recalled from before getting too plastered last night. Kylo had shown he was interested in you in some way, but you still had reservations about it being anything serious.

“Like that matters. Hot is hot. Doing weird shit with the force isn’t gonna change much.” Garric had been speaking to the air to avoid looking at you but now turned to peer into your eyes. “You like him, don’t you?”

You were taken aback. How were you supposed to answer that? Your feelings were your own, they weren’t anyone else’s business, but at the same time, Garric was also struggling with his own feelings. Maybe it would feel good to have a kindred spirit since neither of you were where you wanted to be romantically.

You turned away from him, not wanting him to see your eyes giving everything away. In turn, Garric moved away from you and began typing into his datapad. A few messages later and it looked like your turn guarding the traitor was over.

A prison guard came by and escorted the girl away but Garric informed you that he’d been told the two of you had to wait there until Lexan and Vail were in the prisoner’s new location. It was all really strange but you weren’t going to argue, there was probably a very good reason for the traitor to be kept on the move.

As you waited Garric remained on his datapad but continued the conversation you’d been having before silence had fallen.

“I’m glad we’re kinda friends now.” He said giving you a weak smile that you returned. “At least now, when Saima and the Supreme Leader get together we’ll have each other for comfort.”

“You really think there’s something between them, then?” Your stomach churned. Garric wasn’t even clever, how had he noticed something between them when you hadn’t? Maybe you were just blinded by your own feelings for Kylo to notice.

Garric brought his hand up to carefully rub your shoulder to ease your hurt. You’d thought of him as nothing more than a bully and an idiot but it seemed like he was actually more intuitive than you’d realised. The thought of Kylo treating someone in the same way he’d been with you made your heart ache and your lip tremble. It didn’t go unnoticed as Garric muttered a soft ‘c’mere’ and dragged you into a giant hug.

You didn’t want to admit it, hells, if someone had told you this was going to happen when you woke up, you never would have believed it, but it was actually kind of comforting. It was nothing compared to how Kylo’s arms felt when they were around you, but Garric’s hug absolutely swamped you and it must have been what hugging family was like.

The hug was interrupted by a ping from his datapad. Garric’s head pulled away from where it loomed over you and swooped back in, clashing his thin lips against yours. Your arms were still trapped under his as you heard the door behind you open but no one entered. You didn’t have time to take everything in, it was all happening so fast.

“So, this is where you’ve decided to spend your time instead of showing up for work?” Ren’s voice was low and quiet, it scared you.

Garric’s hold on you broke and you were able to push away to look at the Supreme Leader in the eye. You prayed he could see the pleading in your eyes. This wasn’t want you’d wanted, and for all the times Garric had to get the wrong impression of your feelings for him, it just had to be now.

“I thought you were more dedicated than this… to your job, but clearly if you’re sneaking around then I must have been mistaken.” Kylo’s face didn’t give anything away but you knew he was holding back. His jaw shifted as he sucked at his upper molars, considering you for a moment before continuing. “This wasn’t a dating service for you to take your pick of the recruits I’d assembled. Wait in your quarters until I’m ready to deal with you.”

Kylo turned and stormed from the room, Saima stepping out from behind him, peering at you before following. You said nothing as you listened to his heavy footsteps fade into the distance. How could this happen? Couldn’t he tell you loved him, that you would never choose to kiss a mouth that wasn’t his. Tears began to drip down your cheeks, coming to a stop at your lip, your mouth agape, before they fell into tiny wet stains on your armour. You couldn’t even move. How could this day have gone any worse?

“Bad timing…” Garric mumbled rubbing your back. He took a few steps towards the door, turned back to you, and shrugged. “It’d happen eventually.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're stuck in the middle of a giant conspiracy

You couldn’t remember feeling more sorry for yourself than you did in this moment. Confined to your room, half draped over your bed. Waiting. Close to two hours had passed since you’d been found by Kylo being bombarded by Garric’s stank-breath, and not knowing what was going on was driving you mad.

You’d been told to wait in your quarters until you were ready to be dealt with. You had no idea what being “dealt with” entailed but you were praying it wouldn’t be something that involved removing you from the First Order, or worse, from Ren. If he’d just give you a chance to explain what happened.

There was an alert from your door to indicate someone was outside. You dragged yourself away from the bed, moved to the mirror in the refresher to quickly smooth down your hair, and then made your way to the door as a melodic knocking sounded from the other side.

As the door opened Lexan casually pushed past you to take a seat on your bed and Vail entered afterward preferring to sit on an actual chair. You closed the door behind them when you were sure there was no one else waiting to enter and stood in the middle of the room waiting for someone to say something.

“Well…?” You asked when it seemed like neither of the two guards were going to say anything. “How much trouble am I in? Am I fired? Oh stars, it’s not worse than that is it?”

“The only thing worse than that would be kissing Garric… but you already did that, didn’t you?” Lexan said with a sly smirk.

“It wasn’t like that.” You retorted. You were about to explain the situation when Vail cut you off.

“Although not generally encouraged, there aren’t solid rules against dating your peers.” Vail spoke aloofly. “If that was the only issue you wouldn’t have anything to worry about, but I believe we both know there’s more to it than that.”

“Uhhh…” Lexan’s eyes darted back and forth between you and Vail, confused. “Mind filling me in?”

It was clear Vail was just as observant as you’d suspected, but no, as close as you were to Lexan, you still didn’t feel like it was right to share this information. If it had only been about you, sure, but the Supreme Leader was involved so maybe it wasn’t really your place to say.

“Sorry, Lexan.” You shook your head softly, denying them further information. An idea formed in your mind. “Vail… I’m sure my lack of discretion last night probably confirmed your suspicions, but I was wondering if you could get to the bottom of this. I just… I dunno how this went so wrong.”

“It certainly does seem a little fishy.” Vail rose to his feet. He seemed amused, though you could tell it wasn’t because of the situation, but because he enjoyed digging into secrets. “I’ll see what I can do.”

He left and you slumped down next to Lexan on the bed.

“Yup… sure do enjoy not having a clue about what’s going on.” The guard said without frustration, just hoping to be informed.

“Lex, I can’t tell you… not everything at least. I didn’t kiss Garric. I’d never kiss Garric. He smooshed his face into mine. I’m not even sure he’s really with Saima…” You paused to collect your thoughts. “Truth is I’m absolutely smitten with someone else and I can’t say who.”

“[Y/N]…” Lexan turned to you so the two of you locked eyes. “…I’m flattered but I don’t like you like that.”

Confusion infected your face before Lexan’s face contorted into a grin. The smile was contagious, and even though you felt so emotionally drained, your mouth began to curl upwards too.

“Shut up.” You said landing a soft punch against their arm.

The two of you waited in your quarters until Lexan’s datapad chimed up, stating that you were both to head to the throne room.

The giant room was empty apart from the four people that were waiting for you to be delivered to them. The two of you took your places in line with Saima, Garric and Hux in front of the throne where the Supreme Leader sat. You couldn’t look him in the eye. Despite not having done anything wrong, not really, tears threatened to escape your eyes and you didn’t want Ren to see how weak you were.

The Supreme Leader stood, moved towards the line of your peers and began to pace, storming back and forth angrily. Still averting your eyes, you flinched every time the leather of his boots thundered against the ground. Occasionally he’d pause and somehow that felt worse since you couldn’t hear his anger but still knew it was still there.

“You.” Ren said stopping in his tracks and pointing to Garric. “Tell me what happened.”

“[Y/N] took me somewhere private so she could seduce me, Supreme Leader.”

Your eyes snapped towards the giant man. How could he lie like that? There was no way Kylo would believe the lie… right?

“And you?” Ren moved towards you, stopping just inches away so he could loom over you. “Is this correct?”

“No…” Scared, your voice was barely a whisper, but you continued. “Garric was waiting for me outside my quarters. He told me the plan had changed, that we were supposed to be guarding a deserter. Told me we’d be there for ages. Said Lexan and Vail had the next shift. Confided in me and made me think we shared things in common. He manipulated me…”

“Manipulated you?” Garric stepped out of line to roll his eyes at you. “The whole time you were trying to convince me why I should date you. I’ve been trying to get with Saima but I reckon she’s into someone else. Then you started crying and I caved and said I’d give you a chance. If anything, you manipulated me!”

“Do you know anything about this?” Kylo asked Lexan. When Lexan declined having any knowledge of the incident they were dismissed. Kylo then turned to Saima and asked her the same question.

“[Y/N] seemed to hate Garric from the moment she met him.” You breathed a small sigh of relief. You’d begun to suspect she was in on it, but now she had your back. “But there’s that thing people say about love and hate… about it not being so different or hate turning into love… or something like that. She confronted me last night, drunk out of her mind and jealous that I was talking to Garric. She thought I was with him, but like Garric said, my heart lies elsewhere.”

Saima looked up at the Supreme Leader with big doe eyes. You felt sick. If only Lex hadn’t been dismissed, you’d have someone on your side. Or would you? You were beginning to question where you stood with anyone now, but surely, Lexan wasn’t also in on this?

“If I may, Supreme Leader…” Hux butted in once the dark-haired man began to pace again. “I have the security footage of the holding cells if you’d like to review them.”

Kylo stopped in front of Hux and motioned for him to playback the footage. It was sped up but it clearly displayed the two of you casually talking, eventually hugging, and then being caught kissing.

“Why is there no sound?” Ren asked.

“Ah yes,” Hux adjusted his stance, displaying the confidence he found in himself when proud that nothing happened on the ship without him knowing about it. “The previous cameras had malfunctioned last week. The usual cameras couldn’t be replaced with the same of their kind as they’ve all been installed in the areas of the ship that are being repaired. As the holding cells are not currently in use, inferior cameras have been installed in the meantime.”

“Not currently in use?” You challenged Hux in an accusatory tone. “We were guarding a deserter… she’d defected to the Resistance. She was the whole reason we were there!”

Garric shrugged when Kylo turned to look at him for confirmation.

“I can bring up footage of the cell the two of them were in front of.” Hux offered. The footage displayed nothing.

“There were stormtroopers!” You almost shouted. “Passing through… I mean, not seen from that angle, but they would have been caught by another camera. Plus, there was the guard that took her away…”

You were becoming less sure of yourself. If the footage had shown the cell to be empty, it was doubtful there’d be footage of someone being escorted away. All evidence seemed to prove that Garric’s story had been the truth, and the more you insisted you were being honest, the guiltier you appeared.

“Please, Supreme Leader, you have to believe me.” You pleaded.

“My sincerest apologies, Supreme Leader.” Hux shifted to make himself appear smaller. “She seems to be due for another psych evaluation. I’m not sure how someone so seemingly mentally ill managed to pass her previous one.

“I’m not… I’m fine… I’m not lying… you did something! They did something!” You pointed towards the conspiring three. “I’m not interested in Garric! There’s no way I could love him. I love y-“

“Enough!” Ren yelled. You could feel the rage radiating from him. The way he looked at you, you’d never seen him like this. Whatever was in store for you after this, it was no where near as scary as he was right now.

You wanted to throw up. To melt into the floor and disappear completely. If only Kylo would take a moment to breathe, but he felt betrayed and embarrassed.

“Kylo, please…” You begged, reaching a timid arm out towards him.

“Get out!” Ren shouted, launching you towards the doors. You skidded across the floor, finally coming to a stop just shy of the doors, and looked back at him, more hurt emotionally than physically. “I said get out!”

The command was directed at the others as well as you. You tried to pick yourself up as quick as you could so the others wouldn’t make it in time to ride the elevator down with you, but you weren’t fast enough. While you had defeat plastered across your face, the other three were smug in their victory… although that was just the way Hux normally looked.

You had a lot of free time over the next few days. The schedule had been changed so you no longer had Ren duty. You spent all your time sulking in your quarters wondering when you’d be demoted. Lexan would stop by from time to time, trying to convince you to leave your room, bringing you food when you refused to do so, and trying their best to get you to shower because, dang, you were getting a bit whiffy.

“I believe you.” Vail said, joining Lex in your room almost a week after the incident.

Just as he normally did, Vail had been keeping a low profile while looking into what had really happened. He’d found his way into the security system and found the truth. You weren’t crazy, the footage that Kylo had been shown had been a recording of a previous day that had been refiled so that it was allocated to the day of the incident.

“This footage…” He said pulling up a recording that displayed the long-limbed girl in the cell. “This footage is of two months from now.”

“How can there be footage of the future?” Lexan asked. Vail raised his brows, proud of his find.

“It’s all here.” Vail flicked though different recordings. “All two months away but a week in the past. Here’s the prisoner… Here’s the guard taking her away… And this one is Saima, on her datapad. She puts it away just as Garric kisses you.”

Your heart was racing. This was just what you needed to clear your name. You’d hug him, but you doubted he’d appreciate a hug from someone so stinky, plus you were a little paranoid that the timing would betray you and Kylo would catch you in someone else’s arms… again.

“This is great!” You practically squealed. “Let’s take this to the Supreme Leader!”

“We can’t…” Vail said. “We’re about to head out. We’re going down to Orto Plutonia to look for…”

“The Knights of Ren.” You said finishing his sentence. “I know, I helped get the details together. You’re all going without me?”

“Sorry, [Y/N].” Lexan’s eyes stared glumly at the floor. “I’ve been trying to find out whether you’re still a guard or not since you’re not being included in anything anymore but I can’t find a straight answer… neither can Vail!”

“It’s true.” Vail confirmed. “I did find that you’ve got that psych eval today though. With Doctor Thirtam… notorious for failing people for the smallest reasons… but at least now you know you’re innocent.”

The guards wished you luck since you’d need it and left your quarters so they could get ready for the mission you weren’t invited on. If you were going to convince Doctor Thirtam that you were in a good headspace, you figured it would help to look like you had your shit together too, so you jumped into the shower to clean yourself up.

Once you were out of the shower, you were making your way towards your wardrobe when you realised you’d received a message on your datapad. You tucked your towel in a little tighter to make sure it wouldn’t fall, not that there was anyone around to see, but it was still a little embarrassing when it happened regardless, and took a look at the message.

I think these might help during your appointment. Good luck.

-Vail of the Ren’s Guard

Attached was the actual footage of the incident. Oh, you were so thankful you could kiss him. No. Scratch that. You were so thankful, you could give him a solid pat on the back. Completely plutonic.

There was no way you were going to show the doctor the footage, you had a better plan. You rushed over to the wardrobe and pulled out your cold weather armour. You dressed, popped your helmet on, and tucked your blaster and datapad into your clothes.

In your mind, this was supposed to play out like a big dramatic moment, running to your TIE Silencer, but with every heroic step you tried to make, the grip on the bottom of your cold-climate boots squeaked awkwardly against the polished floor.

Halfway there you hit a blockade. It came in the form of a skinny redhead.

“Not today, Hux!” You shouted and with pure professionalism, you whipped out your blaster, set it to stun, and aimed for the grumpy ginger. Direct hit.

No one knew what to do. Had they been aware that you might not be a guard anymore, they probably would have shot back at you, but you still looked the part and everyone knew they weren’t supposed to mess with Ren’s guards.

“Hey, baby.” You cooed at your Silencer as you patted it while starting it up. “We’ve got some catching up to do. Not us. I mean, catching up to the others. Unless you wanna catch up… how’ve you been?”

Clear of the hanger, you realised you were talking to your vehicle and couldn’t decide whether or not it was a good thing you were missing your psych appointment. Whatever. You were running on adrenaline now.

You didn’t manage to catch up to the others before they split up into groups to search the mission-specified locations on the planet but you recognised which Silencer belonged to whom. It looked like Vail and Lex were a team, Saima and Garric were partnered, and Ren had gone off on his own. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. What was the point of having guards if he wasn’t going to use them? You made your way to Kylo’s ship which had already landed.

Conditions were clear, unlike on the icy planet you’d once shared with Ren, and you managed to spot him as he disappeared into a cave not far from his Silencer. You landed your ship close to his and chased after him.

You only made it a few steps into the cave when you found yourself unable to go any further. A moment of panic washed over you as you were stuck in place by some invisible force but you quickly realised that was exactly what it was. You looked further into the cave and found him. The force user, hidden behind his mask, refusing to let you get any closer.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice cave adventure!

“Go back to your ship, [Y/N].” Kylo called towards you, his voice distorted and emotionless from the vocoder in his helm.

“Please, just let me explain.” You pleaded still trapped by the force. “At least let me help with the mission.”

Kylo sighed. He released you until you attempted to take another step towards him and he locked you in place again.

“If you want to help then leave and stay out of the way. You’re not needed here.” With that, Kylo raised you slightly from the ground and levitated you backward until you were once more outside of the cave. You were thankful he was a little gentler and more considerate than the last time he’d moved you with the force.

You stood there conflicted, not entirely sure what you should do. A small part of you wanted to obey, but your desire to be vindicated was overpowering. Once Kylo had disappeared from view you slowly and quietly crept through the cave after him.

You were aware that you probably weren’t going to catch up to him, your pace was cautious so you wouldn’t alert him to your presence, and he was most likely being carried by his usual confident strides. That’s why, when turning a corner, you were surprised to see him waiting inches from where you stood.

Your hands instinctively rose to your face to block a gasp from escaping your mouth, only for them to instead clumsily clash against your helmet. Kylo just looked down at you with disappointment. You assumed. It was difficult to tell with his mask on.

“I’m serious, [Y/N], I don’t want you here.” There was no emotion in Kylo’s voice. You were unsure how to react. If he’d given you anger, disappointment, frustration, you’d know how to respond, but he was giving you nothing.

Kylo turned away from you and disappeared further into the icy cave. He’d obviously known you’d follow him before, so surely, he must know there wouldn’t be anything he could say to deter you from going after him. You didn’t just want to get the truth out, you wanted to be there for him. This mission was personal to him, if it didn’t go well, you wanted to be there to comfort him.

Refusing to turn back, you carefully chased after Kylo through the slippery passageways. His longer legs would be increasing the distance between you so you needed to be a little less cautious if you were to have any chance of reaching him.

You removed the datapad from your armour and picked up the pace. It wasn’t long before you figured out how to move your feet in order to not slip slightly with each step. Your feet landed confidently against the ice as you began to catch up.

You could hear him now. He wasn’t too far away. You loaded up one of the files Vail had sent you in preparation, when the next step broke through the ice that you hadn’t noticed had become dangerously thin in places. You managed to take another step before your first foot had sunk too low into the abyss below. Clambering for the edge of the luckily not-too-wide hole, you managed to find something to grip onto but lost the datapad in the process. Too scared to be upset, your survival became your focus.

Within moments, as though he’d sensed this would happen, Kylo was in front of you, pulling you up to safety.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” Kylo hissed. You opened your mouth to thank him, or apologise, probably both, but didn’t have the chance before he continued. “Just… Just stay close and do what I say. I mean it.”

The tone in Kylo’s voice was intimidating, you weren’t brave enough to refuse. Kylo grabbed you by the hand, dragging you up to your feet, and led you roughly through the cave. The two of you remained in silence, it just didn’t feel appropriate to talk as he guided you around the weak spots on the cave floor.

The grip on your hand was tight. This wasn’t like other times he’d taken your hand. Your eyes watered wondering how everything had gone wrong so suddenly. Sure, things had never really run that smoothly between the two of you, and you were always second guessing his feelings for you, but it felt like this was the least he’d cared about you since just after you both crashed on that planet. Still, he had just saved you, so that had to mean something.

Out of nowhere, Kylo stopped. He pushed you down to squat behind a large rock that you were about to pass. Kylo removed his helmet, so he could look you in the eyes.

“This is important, [Y/N], I need you to listen to me, and I need to you to do what you’re told.” There was hesitation in Kylo’s eyes which seemed to disappear when he removed your helm. “Look me in the eyes and promise me.”

“Please, first I just need to explain…” you started before Kylo wrapped his fingers around the sides of your face interrupting you. Firm but gentle.

“No, [Y/N], you don’t…” Kylo sighed before trying again. “You’re not understanding. Stay here. Stay quiet. Stay hidden. Do this for me. Promise me you’ll wait right here.”

You gave him a small nod as he pulled his hands away. Whatever was going on, Kylo definitely made it seem critical that you weren’t there. It’d be nice to have an explanation but it was apparent that wasn’t going to happen. Whatever Kylo had let you read about the plan, it didn’t include this.

“I promise.” You said.

Kylo, confident that he could trust you, replaced your helm on your head and followed suit with his own.

“Keep that on. Just in case.” He said and continued off deeper into the cave.

Jiggling your helmet a little so it sat in place properly, you pushed away the thought that he was abandoning you. It didn’t feel like you were his favourite person at the moment, but it wasn’t like him to heartlessly leave someone to die alone in a cave… at least, not if that someone was you.

After a moment, in the distance, you heard the echoes of voices breaking the silence. It was difficult to tell which direction it was coming from as it reverberated off the icy walls. There hadn’t been any other ships at the cave’s entrance so there couldn’t be anyone further in than you except for Kylo.

Kylo hadn’t left instructions for what to do if this happened, but you assumed he’d probably get you to hide. Carefully, you made you snaked around a few large rocks looking for a spot that would keep you hidden from all obvious angles but couldn’t find anything. What you did find, however, was a large cavern, and in the distance Kylo was walking up to two other people.

Kriff. You’d definitely broken your promise to stay back. You reasoned with yourself that if you went no further, it still sort of counted.

You could now tell that these two people were the owners of the voices, but still couldn’t tell what they were saying. Scanning the area, you noticed they’d come from another tunnel and were converging on a huge frosted metal wall. It seemed like the kind of place someone might hide a relic, but who were the other two?

Oh. That giant one was probably Garric. Saima was probably the smallest one. No wonder Kylo didn’t want you going with him if he was meeting up with them. Your insides churned with jealousy. Why was it so easy for him to take their side in all of this?

You watched on in silence as Kylo moved closer to the wall and raised his arm at it. No doubt using the force, you deduced. Take that, Vail, there’s a new super sleuth in town… in cave?

The wall rumbled violently and disappeared into the ground slowly to reveal a strange machine. You’d never seen anything quite like it. There was a small compartment, a console below it, and either side were two things that looked like bacta tanks with doors on the front, but instead of bacta, they each contained a person. They looked like they were stuck in place, both of them with their hands on a small control panel.

Even from this distance, there was no denying it, those masks were unmistakable. Two of the Knights were found.

Kylo motioned in Garric’s direction and then at the left tank. Each of the men retrieved a Knight from a tank and carefully set them down on the ground back near Saima. Free from their confinement, neither of them moved. You couldn’t imagine how hard it must be for Kylo, finally finding them but being too late to save them.

The Knight furthest from you lurched forward, sputtering and though they were taking in air for the first time. They ripped their helmet off and knelt with their face close to the ground. You could hear them loudly gasping from all the way back where you were.

Seeing the first Knight springing back to life, Kylo tore the mask off the other Knight, and gripped their face between his fingers. It wasn’t long before both Knights were both conscious, much to your relief. You’d never met them, but they were important to Kylo so they were important to you.

They were recovering pretty quickly, and from the way they occasionally pointed at parts of the machine, you assumed they were talking about what happened. Kylo prowled over to the main console and beckoned for Saima to join him.

Kylo removed his helm, and she matched him. Even though you couldn’t see, you just knew she was giving him gooey eyes as he spoke to her. Hussy…

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Gross. Maybe you should have stayed back, watching Kylo being affectionate with her made you feel the urge to be sick. As he walked her toward the tank she began to resist and struggle to get away from his strong arms. It was no use. He easily overpowered her, shoved her into the tank, and closed the door behind her.

It looked like she was screaming, banging on the transparisteel, though you couldn’t hear anything from where you were. Even Garric was smart enough to understand what was going to happen next. He slowly backed away until Kylo turned to him. He tried to run but the force stopped him. His helm was ripped away from his head by something invisible. Very obviously unconcerned about his wellbeing, Kylo sent him flying into the empty tank, locking him in as well.

Kylo stalked back and forth in front of the tanks. He threw his helm to the ground. Whatever he was saying, he didn’t have the patience to wait. He ignited his saber and continued to pace. Apparently, it was a hard decision for them to choose between whatever would happen to them inside the tank or facing Kylo’s wrath. He stopped and faced them.

“Do it!” He shouted. It was the first thing you could clearly understand since they’d begun talking.

The guards turned to their consoles and stopped. There was no more movement from them and Kylo, appearing to be satisfied with the outcome, put away his saber.

The Knights looked to as though they’d completely recovered as they joined Kylo at the main console. They pointed at the console. Kylo pointed in your direction. A decision was made. It looked like they were prodding the little glowing buttons, then the small compartment in front of their faces popped open.

As soon as Kylo withdrew whatever was inside, a red gas began billowing from the machine into the air and occupied tanks. The three backed away, put on their helmets, and ran toward you. The large wall that had disappeared into the ground returned to its original position and hid the machine away again. Kylo stopped in his tracks, turned to the other tunnel and ran in its direction, and the Knights paused. Before you could feel betrayed that he was leaving you behind, he made a huge dragging motion from the roof to the ground and collapsed the second tunnel. They continued toward you.

You ducked and ran back to where Kylo had asked you to stay out of sight, and waited for them.

“Who’s the girl?” Said a voice from out of sight. The vocoder in their mask created a scratchy, rusted sound.

“Later.” Said Kylo as he emerged into view.

Kylo took your hand to guide you through the cave. You looked back to take a look at the Knights. You’d seen some of them on the Supremacy, a while before they’d gone missing but neither of the masks looked familiar. Not too far in the distance, the red gas was spreading. You didn’t want to wait around to see what it did.

When Kylo felt confident there was enough space between the group and the gas, he stopped to collapse a part of the tunnel you’d already been through. There was something so primal about the way he controlled the force. Not knowing much about it, you weren’t sure if his snarl was a requisite, but it suited him.

Past the part of the cave with the thin ice and safe from the gas, the four of you took your time making your way out. Ren led the way, the Knights close behind him, you followed behind a few paces back.

With everything that had been happening, the way you’d been set up and what had just happened with the machine, you wanted to use this time to plan out all the things you wanted to say and ask about, but found it difficult. The Knights were distracting. As you walked, one would lean over to the other, they’d both look back at you, the other one would lean in and they’d look at you again. There was no way Kylo had a chance to talk about you to them so they must have just been speculating. A bit rude. If there wasn’t a lingering tension between you and Kylo, you would have been happy to answer any of their questions.

You left the cave and made your way to the Silencers where the four of you stopped.

“You two in that one, [Y/N], with me.” Kylo said heading for his ship.

“Wait…” Now that you were so close to being alone with Kylo, you became nervous and unsure of yourself. “Can you both fly?”

They nodded. You suggested that you and Kylo would fly a Knight each. Someone would have to fly back Saima and Garric’s ships. Your arrangement just made more sense.

“Their ships were retrieved shortly after they landed. You’re riding with me.” Kylo said.

Well, it was worth a shot. You took your time heading to the ship, the longer you could stretch this out the better. You knew you hadn’t betrayed him, and even if you couldn’t prove it straight away, Vail still had copies of the proof, but whatever just happened to Saima and Garric… it was harsh. You didn’t want that for yourself. On top of that, the psych eval you’d just bailed on was probably the start of your punishment. Kylo wasn’t going to be too thrilled you got out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone for so long and I'm so sorry for the unexpected disappearance. Some life stuff was happening. Normal life stuff has resumed.


End file.
